And as the season begins, talk in bird shooting circles
turns to Dogs, the different breeds, their strengths and weaknesses.
There are three basic types of dogs, characterised by three
distinct breeds.
Spaniels are flushing dogs; they run around with boundless
energy, like a bunch of school kids around a soccer ball. Typically smaller and
long haired, full of enthusiasm and the joy of life, however they don’t like
harsh treatment, respond better to encouragement than a telling off and often
will run themselves into the ground for no result.
German Short Haired Pointers (GSP) are what are called Hunter,
Pointer, Retriever dogs (HPR). They are a general purpose dog, with good abilities
across a range of areas. They are generally sleek and muscular, and like the
Spaniels have lots of energy but balance it with intelligence. They can be
arrogant and selfish, Whine when bored and like to be the centre of attention,
displaying almost a “proud” demeanour.
Lastly there are Labradors. They are bigger, more solid and
stronger, not so fast, but persistent and have the internal fortitude to just
keep on going. They take disciple well, and harsh words are like the proverbial
“water off a ducks back”, although like GSP’s can be whiners as well. If they have a fault, (or two) tits that they
are inclined to wolf down food, their own, another dogs, yours, your wifes....
and would often especially when older, prefer to just curl up in front of the
fire , roll over and have their bellies scratched or generally just have a nap.
Sunday the Farts ventured onto the new turf at Maidstone,
and like the courting rituals of their youth (back when “everything” was in
black and white) quite tentatively and cautious. Their opponents set the scene, when 30 mins
before the game, they, as a team, all went for a warm up jog!
It certainly seemed like a game of Spaniels V Labradors, with
UH2 being a college age team (like spaniels, smaller, long hair, lots of
enthusiasm) against the more conservative and solid Farts team (well some of
the players are certainly built like labs!).
It seemed to start with a good omen when Trapper won the
toss, second week in a row, and a new record winning streak for him (Surpassing
the 1 week streak of the week before). But to be fair, it was all UH from the
start, they attacked with enthusiasm, skills and teamwork. The Farts players
all tried desperately to hold them back, but all felt at times like the little
boy with his finger in the dyke, holding back the flood in small amounts while
at other times it surged around him.
All of the players had small cameos during the game, but the
Farts just couldn’t seem to get it together enough.
Ants scored their only goal in the first half, Trapper was perfectly
placed on the top of the D, and great
ball came to him from LH but Ants poached it, dragged it a little further into the circle
and fired it at the goal.
The Goalie managed to get his right chest in front of the
ball but was nearly blown off his feet into the goal by the force of the ball
(like watching a Dirty Harry movie). Trapper
suggested he could claim an assist, and asked if you got anything for an
assist. Nuts replied No!
UH were awarded a dodgy Stroke, after Timbo came out and
blocked a shot, only for the UH player to keep going, over run the ball and
tackle Timbo. Farts should have had the
free hit but instead the umpire saw it differently. With all their pressure they only went to
the sheds 2-1 up over the Farts.
But it was obvious in the second half that they still had
plenty of energy, and their coach had encouraged them in loving and gentle
tones at the half time break. They piled
on the goals, not quite making double figures, but getting very close.
Special mention in the second half has to be given to
Trapper, this mild unassuming gentle leader covered wing, Inner, half and Full
back at different times, cleared two balls out of potentially dangerous
positions, monstered a couple of players, and even run down a pc receiver before
he could get the ball goal wards. He’s always been a Tana Umaga fan, and was overheard
telling one of the UH team “its not college hockey - boy”.
Rumour has it that the management team are considering some
structural changes to the Farts team, stay tuned for more on this.
Next weeks game will decide whether the Farts
get promoted to R3, or stay in R2. Its against Victoria 5, NHS2 at 4.20 on Sunday.
Goal
1 – Ants (although it should have been Trappers!)
MVP
3 - Zac-
recently recovering form a frontal lobotomy operation to remove his
appendix, he was supposed to be recuperating, but came to watch the game, half
way through the first changed into his gear and had a few runs. That showed great
stupidity as well as team dedication, and obviously for that he deserved the
coveted Player of the day Bar tab and 3 MVPs.
2 –Trapper – because I thought I played well and deserved
some points!
1 – Andy Booker – good to see the young guys stepping up,
even if they do need to put on a few pounds, played well, and has a long future
in the Farts.
1
- Ants – brought the Oranges, but should really
lose this point for poaching Trapper goal (not that he’s caustic about it!)
1-
Rearend – umpired what more can we say.
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