Sunday, August 28, 2011

Its true that the sun will always come up again tomorrow

Its true that the sun will always come up again dawned a pleasant and potentially warm day, after the darkness of the previous night Tri Nations match.

Avoiding the depressing talk and post match permutations the team quickly moved onto the field and went through our prematch stretching, and hand eye co=ordination warm ups (rapidly looking and pointing at things).

The team were too busy concentrating on Scottys in depth strategy and tactic lecture to do the toss so Indians decided they wanted the ball and the umpire decided we would stay as we were.

The team was boyed with the return of Craig, all be it in a reduced capacity, but with the backs and halves in their usual positions, he was promoted to Right inner.

2 mins into the game and Craig collided with an Indians player (actually the Indians player tried to tackle Craig without any arms in the tackle and bounced off him), we all held our breath that craig hadn’t damaged and luckily he hadn’t. He took a slight knock to the eye, which had virtually closed over by the end of the match.

The Farts played their normal expansive game, and Trapper had some insicive runs up the right flank , with Willy putting pressure on the Indian goal. After a PC and more pressure Willy slammed the ball goal wards, the goal threw his body in front of it, and Trapper thumped the ball into the boards.

The game see sawed and Indians had some PC’s, and Rearend partially deflected a shot at goal, only to have it cannon into Nuts (well actually it was nearly completely swallowed up by his stomach) on the goal line, and the umpire had no hesitation in awarding a stroke. Indians converted by sending Rearend the wrong way to draw level.

Trapper had his second goal disallowed, a Nuts free hit inside the quarter didn’t go 5 before he drove it to the far post for Trapper to guide past the goalie.

Just before going to the sheds Indians scored again, and the Farts came off 2-1 down. The team was very quiet at half time, not so much from the score but as no one seemed to have enough breath to live and talk at the same time.

A slight jigging of the tactics for the second half showed results quickly. Craig played higher, and the team were trying more quick short passes.

The Farts front threes match fitness and stamina started to show, with them applying lots of pressure on the goal mouth, and during one scramble Sean passed a shot in to level the scores.

Shortly after and Willy was carving up the Indians left hand defence, driving to the goal line, quick bvall back to Sean who passed the ball to the far post for trapper to slam home for his second.

More pressure and Scotty slid one past the goalie, and the Farts had come back from the brink of disaster to lead 4-2.

It seemed at that point that the decisions in our defence circle started to get a bit one sided, with the umpire giving Indians advantage in the circle then bringing it back for PC’s when they squandered that advantage. One highlight was a great tackle from rearend, he lined up his man and was already launching himself out of the line when the ball was passed to the Indians attacker, the attacker got the ball and Rearend at the same time, and Rearend flattened him in a tackle that Brad thorn would have been proud of.

Indians pulled one back, a fluky goal from a ball driven into the circle that just clicked an Indians stick and whipped past Rearend.

The game was fast paced though, and one such break saw Trapper accelerating past an Indians attacker only to be taken out in spectacular form.

Shortly after Inidians camped down in the Farts circle and scored the equaliser. And when it looked like the Farts might breakout and score the winner the umpire blew for full time.

So the Farts ended the normal round robin season with another draw, and new record in one season.


2 – Trapper

1- Scotty

1- Sean


3 - Adrian - great effort especially in the second half

2 - Alan – consistently high work rate

1 – Craig - strong performance after his injury lay off

Friday, August 26, 2011

Don't fart in Harrods.

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond
bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more
closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed
her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of
a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect
of a professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help
you today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman
somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of
this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going
to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Monday, August 22, 2011

One win one loss – 50% is that a pass rate?

Wednesday night, 10th August V Northern United

The past month has seen the Farts scheduling disrupted with 3 games in 4 weeks. It was strange feeling to have a Wednesday night game sandwiched between two weekends off.

The boys turned up the game at eldson, some straight from work, others still finishing off their dinner. It was cold, and surprisingly dark (well ut was 7.00pm!).

Trapper called the toss, and managed to win one, so the Farts played into the sun in the first half.

Its fair to say that the Farts had most of the pressure, with a number of shots at goal forcing saves from the Northern Goalie, Willie managed to slip one past top open the scoring, and the Farts went to the sheds 1-0 up. A good effort against a team of only 9 players (yeah right)!

Whatever was in Northerns half time water fired them up, and they came out blazing, and managed an equaliser. It was looking like the Frats would add to their already new record of 7 draws in a season. But they piled the pressure on, and after some physical play (Scotty, you really should pick on someone your own height instead of the shorties) and numerous PC’s the Farts pulled the winner out of the bag. A slammer of a hot from Scotty near the top of the circle whizzed past everyone into the backboards. The score line didn’t reflect the overall pressure the Farts had, but they were happy to take the win.


Scotty – 1

Willy – 1


3 – Nuts – great game in defence considering he had was suffering form a very serious man flu, apparently it was so bad Debs ghad to unwrap his peanut slabs for him as he didn’t have the strength to.

2- Al – apart from contributing to Northerns goal (some say Al should have had his name against it on the scoresheet!) , a good game with lots of chasing.

Sunday 21st, V Karori

The last game seemed a long time ago as the farts gathered in the last rays of sun to take the field against the Karori team. They had a lightness in there step, mainly due to actually having 12 players , and also at least starting the game in the sun.

Scotty lost the toss and we had to play into the sun, luckily it had dropped below the hill line before hit off.

The previous game was a bit one sided (Karori won 8-1!) but this time round the teams were very even. Both teams had their chances, and Karori managed to score two goals foff deflection, the second was pure luck with a player throwing his stick out at a ball going wide of the goal and getting an inside edge that flew past the keeper.

At the other end numerous shots went wide of the goal and several easy opportunities went begging, the Karori keeper seemed to be everywhere, and finally Brad managed to send one past him as he sprawled on the ground and Scotty guided it across the line (well it had virtually gone in but scatty made sure it went against his name on the sheets).

The boys went to the sheds only 2-1 down, and waited for their valiant leader to join them, however the umpires wanted to chat briefly to both captains, it appeared they had enough of the back chat (who me ref?) and warned both teams.

The second half started the same as the first, with Karori back chatting the umpires and neither umpire choosing to do anything about it. After that the game degraded quickly, with both teams getting frustrated with the level of umpiring, both in decision making and control. It nearly boiled over when the Karori supplied umpire turned over a decision 20 mins into the second half as he “had enough of the back chat” from the Farts.

Sadly that was the biggest highlight of the second half, the Farts missed a number of goal opportunities (come back Moses, we are missing your touch in front of goal) and Karori scored another.

A 3-1 loss was an improvement, although the Frats could have won the game. The real shame of the game is the standard of umpiring that is constantly at this grade, with umpires seemingly unwilling to make decisions or blow their whistle.

So it looks like the Frats will end the season in the lower half of the table, not a great result but a definite improvement from the start of the season.

Scotty was the only Goal scorer.


3 – Adrian – high work rate in the midfield and defence

2- Rearend – hasn’t gotten any points for a while (actually he played well and deserved them)

1 – Robbie – a number of good passes opened up the right hand siode for attack

1 - Trapper Umpired the r# game earlier in the day

Monday, August 1, 2011

Farts dominate in local derby

With the finals starting to appear on the horizon the Farts have struggled to find any rhythm or consistency with a larger than normal number of injuries through the season and the odd player MIA.
The recent cold snap had also dampened spirits somewhat, so it was a pleasant feeling for them to run out onto the number 1 field in sunshine yesterday for the main game, a local derby between The Farts and the recently promoted Upper Hutt team.

Upper Hutt were pleased they had reserves going into this match, whilst the Farts were please they actually had 11 players (thankfully Chris F turned p 5 mins before the game with his gear just in case to be the 11th man!) .
Try to local derby’s, it was a physical and at times heated exchange, with both umpires withering a storm of “assistance” from both teams.
Upper Hutt looking ominous early on, with some slick short passing, trapping and effective running off the ball.

However it was the Farts that drew first blood, playing their typical fast break game they pressured the UH defence, with Trapper having a shot at goal saved by the goalie and another going wide of the uprights. Shortly after the Farts were awarded a PC, which Scotty slammed into the back board. UH responded with a quick goal, aided into the back of the net by Alan.
UH still looked impressive with their passing and trapping, however the Farts were able to wrestle back enough ball to pressure them, Brad forcing the goalie to make a save, who was then stranded at the top of the D for Scotty to score again.

Before half time, Scotty had bagged a hatrick, and the Farts went to the sheds 3-1 up and feeling reasonably pleased with their efforts.

The second half started off with a hiss and a roar from UH, but as it progressed they seemed to fade badly.

The midfield opened up, and the Farts were getting lots of ball up the right through Chris and the centre through Willie. Trapper scored to open the score sheet for the second half, then shortly afterwards banged a rebound off the goalie into the net.

Most of the game seemed to be played in the UH red zone, with numerous corners, long and short, and tempers getting frayed with very loose tackling by UH.

Brad deftly placed the ball into the inside right of the goal to open his scoring for the Farts, and Trapper finished off the scoring with his third (and first hatrick in 20 years), perfectly trapping a cross field pass from the right wing by Chris, one step into the circle and slamming the ball past the keeper into the left hand backboards.

The final score line (7-1) reflected the overall pattern of play and pressure. The Farts seem to be peaking at the right end of the season, and after a injury induced disrupted season seem to be getting their game plan together. However it seems a large mountain to climb to get back in QF contention.

3- Scotty
3- Trapper
1 – Brad

3- Trapper – deserved the points with a hat trick, and seems to be settling into the role of striker after years off feeding the circle from the wing.
2- Scotty – His hat trick takes him to the top of the Farts goal scoring list for this season, and Scotty put in his usual high work rate.
1- Al – strong performance in defence and feeding the forwards even considering the nice own goal.
1- Adrian well stock oranges