Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Here is old age at its best

Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
 One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. 
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and-- lo and behold!--there sat Russ!
Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?'
Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jailcried Sam. What in the world for?'
'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?' 
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?
'Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me and, at 72 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.

'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.' 

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

UH Young Guns wilt under the heat of the sun and onslaught of the Farts forwards.

t starting to feel like spring, and just like the daffodils start to pop their heads above the ground, with this stage of the season the Old Farts start to hit their straps.
It was a balmy and sunny morning, and the Farts stepped onto the turf to meet the young Guns of UH2. The UH2 team was predominately college players, and not only were their average age well below that of the Farts, but also their average body weight was as well.
The Farts would certainly have the scrum advantage, although UH2 felt they had the firepower out wide to counter that.
The last time these two teams met, UH raced away to a 4-2 lead in the first half, but crumbled under the grinding anaerobic onslaught of the Farts players in the second to come away managing a draw.
During the warm-ups pre-match, the Farts practised PC’s and especially layoff rather than direct shots.
Trapper provided some pre match tactics to the Farts, mainly around hanging on till the pre-pubescent UH2 team has used all their nervous sexual energy up (which they were too young to do anything with anyway) and were stuffed, and then strike hard.
And so it started, with UH again opening the scoring within minutes – Damn.
The Farts had a couple of breaks, and managed to get a PC from the UH umpire, Big Toddy stepped up to receive, Dan slotted into the Inside left lay off position with clear instructions from trapper to move forward to receive the layoff.
Toddy trapped the pass, and slammed the ball inside the LH upright, the ruse had worked as UH thought that Dan would get the layoff!
The rest of the half was pretty much determined defending, and although UH scored toi take a 2-1 lead into the sheds at half time if it was for the determination and gritty defensive efforts the Farts would have found themselves down by more.
The second half started much more evenly,  and it didn’t take too long before  Nuts shuffled up into the RW position. Not long after that Trapper got a pass (this requires special mention as it’s the first ones he got almost all season), drove into the circle and drew the goalie before throwing a square ball to nuts in front of an open goal. Needless to say in his excitement (already had visions of the goal rewards) he completely fluffed the shot. But it started to rattle the UH defence.
Things started to open up on the left hand side, another ball from Dave R was deflected into the circle by Trapper and this time Nuts put it away 2-2.
Upper Hutt started to loss energy and confidence, the game was opening up and the Farts were really starting to exploit it with long balls into the front three.
Phil moved into CF and instantly worked with Trapper to create great space and provide through balls that were really pressuring the UH defence.
Another long ball into the circle, Trapper tried to steer it past the goalie but only managed to deflect it straight into his pads, but quick as a flash he pounced on the rebound and slammed it into the backboard. 3-2 to the Farts.
UH really started to hang their heads down now, and the Farts forwards were having a field day. Al stepped up his attacking efforts and was dominate on the right flank, Vince was all over the UH players when they had the ball and turning it over from defence into attack.
Another long ball into the circle from the inside right position and Trapper saw his moment of glory, hooking the stick over the ball he deflected it past the gobsmacked goalie into the right hand corner of the backboard .
This was probably the best goal in recent Farts history in the opinion of this humble reporter.
With only 5 or so minutes to go, trapper came off and let Vince run the left hand sideline. UH seemed to get a late second wind, and pulled one back but it was as pointless as Nonu trying to get a Super15 contract, the Farts had the win.

2 - Trapper  
1 – Nuts
1 – Toddy

3- Vince – never stopped back tackling and pressuring the UH players, and turned defence into attack, effective also at Left wing and always willing to listen to the advice from his elders (well mainly willy, and he’s damn old)
2 – Al - superb efforts on attack and defence

1 – Trapper – didn’t get sent off, scored 2 and set up another

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Farts call for training tips from Team America after being blown around on sunday

R+The weather was attrocious, the persistent rain, low temperature and gale force winds were almost bad enough to call the game off, unfortunately that didn't happen and the teams took the field to battle the elements as well as each other.

The game was very even, and considering the bad weather both teams playing a pass/trap game. Northern had most of the pressure, probably through a higher ratio of younger players and also having reserves.

Willy had to play a full game as Trapper umpired and didn't want to take off his warmer and somewhat dry jacket, beanie, trackies etc to brave the elements of the second half! Maybe Willy is a cold weather performer, or just likes a heavy track as he certainly played well.

In between readjusting the goals (due to being blown around by the wind, at half time one was blown over and only stopped by the fence behind it) Northern United scored a goal in each half, to win 2-0.

The Farts had their chances, and for most of the game actually started to look good with a lot more passing through the halves and inners than has been the case most of this season, but couldn't manage to score.

Phil had a great game in defence and driving forward, willy was solid up front and the newest Old Fart John also showed promise on the Right wing, not bad after not playing for 20 (mumble mumble something) years.

Here's what John had to say

First a big Thanks to Trapper, what an awesome guy the club has in him, hes so friendly, very organised and a fantastic umpire...........yeah right.

Thanks to you and the team for making me welcome on my return to the hockey field. I had fun in the atrocious conditions, lungs burning and all.  It's a shame my hammy gave out as I tried to keep up with the blistering pace of the game (that is, the scorching pace of Isaac and Willy)  and find that elusive northern goal that was tacking around in the southerly gale like an America's Cup yacht. Northern had some skilled players, and a bit of fitness too, but we were well in it with Farts defence doing a ton of resolute and determined work. 

I'm keen to play again. This weekend I'm away on a family trip -- just as well as my hammy needs time to heal -- but am a keen reserve or starter or whatever for the following weekend.  

My winger skills to work on
- pushing the ball through a swimming pool is a bad move, will try smacking it hard so it skims like a flat stone across calm water
- getting that centring pass away before being tackled
- positional awareness and adjusting to close marking, and lack of space and time
- rewinding the cassette tape to find some old classic skills from last century.

3- Big Phil - great defence
2- John -  awesome first game, we expect heaps now as he gets his touch
1 - Trapper - braved the weather to umpire

Special mention to the WAG's (Mrs Big Phil, Mrs Trapper, Ms Nuts and Mrs Dan to be) for coming and cheering on the team.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Old Farts go down with weakened team

The Old Farts took the field last night with only 10 players, including the call up of umpire Rearend back into the starting line up as the 2nd stand in goalie (with Footie away and Vinvce out due to injjury).

YWCA were kind enough to supply an 11th man, and also both umpires, a refreshing change compared to other clubs we've come up against this year.

The first half was a bit of an arm wrestle, both teams having chances and i think both umpires struggling to see in the poor lighting.  

YWCA went one up. The Frats had a period camped in the RH corner, Trapper took a number of quick long corners, then a quick free hit to Craig who deflected into the circle  a scramble around the spot and Danial (on loan from YW) scored.

When the half time whistle went YW had added a couple to be up 3-1.

in the second half  the Farts certainly had some chances but run out of steam and gradually sucumbed to YW's pressure. 

There were a couple of fast break outs  that could have resulted in goals  including Phil diving headlong to connect to a Trapper run and pass and Zac beating the goalie only to miss an open goal.

There was some strong defence in the second half especially Nuts putting all his efforts into it, and Al running like someone half his age. Willy pulled up lame with 6 or so minutes to go, and certainly looks destined for the physios bench (they shot horses don't they?) for a while.

The final score (6-1) flattered YW a bit, but full praise to them for the spirit in which the game was played in, YW who supplied both umpires and provided a player for us , Danial, who played his heart, scored our only goal and got MVP

A number of players are injured and looks like we might struggle to maintain a full team.

3 Danial (YWCA)
2 Al
1- Nuts

1 Danial (YWCA)

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Hawkes Bay Masters Napier - 21st to 23rd September

The Masters are on again,  Kapiti Klubbers are sending a masters team.
The Old Farts management team (this morning breakfast) discussed it and are keen to go again, who's in?
The surgestion is this year we takes WAGS as well.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Old Farts claw a draw from the mouth of a crushing defeat.

The Old Farts lined up against UH 2 this afternoon, and Vince would have been the only one that was the same "generation" as the entire UH 2 squad.

They had youthful fitness and a degree of skill in their side, and promptly ran at the Farts right from the hit off.
It wasn't long before UH. Were 2-0 up, but then Wily pulled one back. The Farts broke through their defense up pushing down the flanks several times but could score anymore. By half time the score was 4-1.

A stirring half time talk from Nuts called the team to put there bodies on the line.

And it seemed to work. Not long into the 2nd half Trapper pushed down the left flank and drew a free hit 5m from the circle. With UH seeming to be asleep Trapper dribbled into the circle, dummied then slammed the ball just inside the RH upright.
A couple of UH players contiuned to do carving runs, although Trapper put his body on the line to stop one, badly hurting his arm in the process, and drawing a green card while the UH player picked himself up from the turf.

The game swung back and forth, UH pushed down their left flank, but Al was strong on the tackles and turned the ball around to drive into the UH half on a number of occasions.

Two greta saves also geed up the team, a sprawling Footie managed to get stick on ball to clear just in time, and Nuts heroically saved a near certain goal from the line.

The Farts Broke out and Moses was on the end of Zacs good work and clawed back another goal 4-3!

Another late break from Zac, drawing the goalie and passing to Dan who'd followed up 4-4!

The Farts had lots of pressure in the last few minutes and a couple of PC's but couldn't complete the "win from behind"
Goals to Wily, Trapper, Dan and someone else

3 -  Al, great resolve in defence and driving forward in attack
2 - Zac - continues to run around like the energiser bunny
1 - Dan lots of energy and Great following up to get the last goal

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Up Close and Personal - Trapper

Continuing on our up close and personal series, this weeks favorite Fart is Trapper

Name – Wayne ‘mumble mumble’ Chapman
Nickname – Trapper
Why the nickname – early in his rejuvenated career (around 40) as a right winger he struggled to trap the ball! – Then later he became an expert at it and now teaches trapping professionally! (Yeah right!)
Usual position –playing somewhere where he’s not needing to defend or tackle,
Preferred playing position – Right wing
What you most like about hockey – the friendly and down to earth nature of the officials and their readiness at discussing the finer points of the game with you
When did you start playing – College, as a skinny long haired Left winger 1978
Where? – Taita College, often on the grass field with a corner that was always under water.
Highlight of your career so far – helping the team to 2 finals in recent years, but we won’t talk about ‘that final’ or the breather I had on the sideline
Funniest hockey moment – when Vietchy joined NaeNae and was handed his playing uniform by Ropes, a skirt!
Awards to date –
  • Member of the winning Farts team - 2011 World NaeNae Hockey club quiz night!
  • Club recognition award ( I think for writing funny crap about the team) 2011
  • Consistent runner up for MVP and Most Improved trophies, but as no one remembers 2nd place have no proof of these
Favourite food – Chocolate – any and all
Favourite Drink – Wine, Vodka and Red Bull – preferably free
Favourite artist – Eurhythmics, will actually only Annie Lennox!
Favourite Song – Fat Bottomed Girls
Favourite movie – The Blues brothers, The Castle or Forrest Gump
Favourite car – Nuts Mustang
If you could be any animal what would you be – Dog (probably a lab, an eating machine!) – Because you can scratch, sniff and lick all you want and no one thinks worse of you

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Understrength Farts narrowly lose to Harbour City

They were sure if it was a bad omen, that for their Warm Up Harbour City got out a set of cones and have dribbling/passing/shooting exercises, someone needed to tell them this was R2 not the Olympics!

The sun was shining, but unfortunately Trapper lost the toss and the Farts found themselves facing the sun for the first half against Harbour City.

It was a rearranged side that took the field, missing our two key halves Al and Dave R. But the Farts took Harbour City by surprise opening the scoring with a goal to Moses.  Shortly after a pass from Craig found Trapper in space, a quick pass to Moses and Farts were 2-0 up.

This was in spite of some very average umpiring at the Farts defensive end. The Farts defence held up well, and Footy was superb in goal.

The side was depleted more when Phil was forced off with a Hamstring strain, leaving the Farts with only 11.

Harbour City seemed to spark into a more determined frame of mind, they locked up the mid field and half time saw them ahead 3-2.

The second half was more open, although umpiring decisions at one end continued to baffle both teams.

Trapper again found space, and another quick transfer saw Moses pick up his hat trick and the Farts draw level. Harbour city scored after that to again edge forward, and then getting their 5th.
The Farts had wave after wave of attack, with several PC’s, the HC goalie made some saves and one clearance from his line nearly took off Trappers head. The umpire at that end didn’t see it that way and after some discussion felt that Trapper needed a rest on the sidelines.

The Farts managed another goal, to Zac, to bring the final score to 5-4. Not a bad effort against a younger fitter team, although they were clearly missing their key midfielders and a number of missed opportunities.

It was no consolation to Trapper, who knew he’d let the team down, that the other umpire was surprised at the lack of a PC for dangerous play.

3- Footy – very clearly a great game in defence, saved a number of goals
2 – Moses – great Hat trick
1-      Craig – brought oranges
-3 – Trapper – should have kept his mouth shut!

3 -Moses

1 - Zac

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Favorite Fart - Up close and Personal!

We are starting a new feature “close to personal to your favorite Fart”. This will feature a number of questions designed to get you a closer more intimate knowledge of your favorite team players , on and off the field.
To kick it off, this week we will feature Nuts, the Coach/Captain .

Name – Robert Alfred Reginald Herbert Fergusson Almond
Nickname – Nuts
Why the nickname – Because growing up I couldn't remember all my names
Usual position – Back- or sitting down on sideline
Preferred playing position – anywhere I can score goals
What you most like about hockey – the rewards for scoring goals
When did you start playing – Hard to remember back that far but think 1980
Where? - Tauranga
Highlight of your career so far – having the pleasure of playing alongside Trapper
Awards to date
  • Most Peanut slabs sold (eaten!) 20010, 2011 & 1012,
  • Tightest Butt award Napier Masters 2010
Favorite food – The grease at the bottom of a KFC bucket
Favorite Drink - Oranges
Favorite artist – Demis Roussos
Favorite Song – I’m a little teapot
Favorite movie – Big Mama
Favorite car – My Mustang
If you could be any animal what would you be – Pig, get to eat whatever you want when-ever you want and nobody cares how you do it!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Old farts return to R2 saw their first game at home verses Northern united

Old farts return to R2 saw their first game at home verses Northern united.
With the return of Trapper from the "Great Southern Road Trip", Phil off the injury list and Dan back from a mini break saw the Farts field a team with two subs.
With Dave L leading the forwards and Craig marshalling the Mid field, with Todd directing the defence the Farts were rearing to go.
The first half saw play at both ends of the field with both teams missing opportunities.
There were some feisty exchanges on and off the field with Northern providing an outspoken spectator, who apparently didn't like the way the Farts were dealing with the opposition.
After the break the drought was broken at the wrong end and Northern were soon 2 goals up.
Never a team to give up saw some Dave L magic we all know and love. Dave received the all in the circle with his back to the keeper he dragged the ball right then left to nail a sweet reverse stick goal in the back of he net.
The equalising goal was scored by Willie who soundly trapped a ball on the top of the circle and powered it past the keeper.
The game ended a well deserved draw.

1 - Dave L
1 - Willy

3 - Al
2 - Zac
1 - Toddy

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Old Farts back where they belong......

After an outstanding double header sunday, with 2 wins in the bag the Old Farts have been promoted straight back into R2, where they belong.

Backing up from a 5-2 win over the Young Guns (with only 10 men v 15!) they beat Upper Hutt4 to progress straight to R2!

The Old farts showed their stamina, skill and wise heads to cruse in the first game (they held themselves back to just 5 goals) so they had enough to down UH, even with out Trapper!

They deserve the next weekend off , and await the return of Trapper to power them to victory in R2!

Double Header sunday, The Farts follow up form the mornings efforts!

Part two of this weekends double header played out at Maidstone Park against Upper Hutt.

Big thanks to Damon,BJ and Poland who were feeling up for a run with the Old Farts after the mornings game.
It was a subdued coin toss as Watkin was AWOL and left us without a goalkeeper, Nuts was fully expecting to have to default the game, but the umpires ruled we were allowed to start the game as he "was on the way".
We won the coin toss and Nuts opted to play with the sun to our backs.

The game plan was to stall for time until Watkin arrived, so we went on attack instead and Willie scored an early goal rattling the opposition.

They came back at us and Todd fell victim to the new rule and touched the ball in our circle to score an own goal. Todd made up for this later by slotting a PC.

Finally Watkins arrived and assumed his rightful position, suddenly we felt like we had a chance.
There was plenty of spirited attack and defense and we went to the sheds at half time 2 - 1 up.
By now Upper Hutt was dazed and confused but still determined to get a win, however the Old Farts had other ideas, with the team on attack there was some good passing allowing Issac to finish in a flourish and drill home a sweet goal.
Nuts was accused of an ugly tackle by an opposition defender where he retorted with "not as ugly as your mother".
Just on full time Upper Hutt managed to get a consolation goal to finish the game Old Farts 3 - Upper Hutt 2

Goal scorers

MVP went to Poland who worked hard for us and played well.
Special mention goes to Damon for his hard work in the midfield.
Add caption
The Farts doing their pregame warm up routines, would have been better if Nuts hadn't stood in the sun so that it reflected into the guys eyes!

Old Farts V Young Guns, the battle continues..........................

The well anticipated club clash between Naenae 3 (Old Farts) and Naenae 4 (new Young Guns) saw a 10 strong team of Old Farts up against the 15 strong Naenae 4 team. The scene was set early as the old farts did their usual warm up of smacking the ball into the net and talking about the week that was. Naenae 4 had a considerable warm up routine going on, we were a little worried to say the least.

As was the intensity of the grudge match no one from Naenae 4 wanted to help the Old Farts out, so we took to the field with 10 men. Old Farts wearing the alternate strip opened the scoring early, which spurred the opposition on to come back to score an equaliser off a PC.

The Farts soon fell into the rhythm of looking for searching passes through to the forwards and we found ourselves at the break 2-1 up or was it 3?

The second half saw a more determined Young Guns change tactics and play theirs attackers higher putting the Toddy/Nuts defence combo under pressure. Willie ran out of juice and retired to a defensive left half position, whilst Isaac, Dave L and Jason continued to work their magic up the front.

Finally the final whistle came with the Old Farts victorious 5 - 2.

Goal scorers:
Dave L 2
Issac 1
Willie 1
Jason 1

3 - Issac
2 - Jason
1- Willie (oranges)

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Old Farts in emphatic win over Indians

A depleted Farts team went out to battle old foes Indians at Elsdon today.

Missing Phil and Nuts in the backs, Willy filled in the back line with an injured calf. Dan opened the score icing up a loose ball just out from the posts.
Trapper came on to spell Moses, and straight away had a shot deflected just past the posts. Willy then went off and Trapper was promoted to the backs.
Farts went to half time 2-0 up, but could have had 5 or 6. The Indians goalie saving 3 great shots at goal.

The second half saw the Farts continue to grind down the opposition, and scoring 4 more bit again the score could have been into double figures.


3-Dan, great support in defense and attack, continues to grow in skill and confidence
2- Vince -same could be said for Vince, tireless worker
1-Moses - getting his touch and game fitness back, key in the forwards

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, April 22, 2013

Farts under lights succeed again. - Another roving reporters notes on last nights game!

As the last vestige of fading light set over the western hills the Farts put their final preparations on their game plan.  After a lengthy 5 min warm up Craig called the team together to further bolster the already buzzing morale, it was clear the news that Trapper was not going to take the field generated much strong emotion. With the only sub at the start of the game being the injured Willy things looked a little bleak.  The Petone squad had already played a game earlier in the day and had the advantage of the additional warm up, watching the pre-game practice they had obviously brought the A-team for the Farts encounter.  The Red and Blue battle lines were drawn and play commenced as the umpire breached the now cooling night air with an ear piercing screech.
Almost immediately it was clear that the Farts were going to have their work cut out the Petone forwards forging ahead at an alarming rate but the Farts defence were ready our keen planning and strategy spun into action.  Phil deftly focussed the Petone attack towards Toddy who skilfully positioned himself to thwart the attack; with Phil on one side Toddy on the other the result is often predictable and at times scary for the forward.  With the ball firmly in our possession again, the team set about driving the attack back at the opposition.  With Craig directing traffic from the middle and Nuts constantly providing feedback the team quickly set about setting up the first goal, with the ball travelling at pace a great through ball from the halves saw Jason slot the first well-constructed goal.
Just when we thought all our extensive planning was going to bring the opposition to their knees they managed to slip a lucky ball through and with the referee’s eyes still not accustomed to failing light they scored, one a piece… Game on… The right saw plenty of balls getting through to Phil and lots of crosses from the wings but nothing finding the back of the net.  The game progressed at a frantic pace with some really good ‘open’ hockey from both teams. With things going to-and-fro, each team trying to find the upper hand the farts finally got a break with Gus turning up to support the bench as a sub. The first half was concluded with the score remaining at 1-1. 
The second half started much the same as the first now with Gus on the field and Nuts playing in the forwards, no one was really sure where in the forwards but he was up there... somewhere?, the confusion obviously helped with Nuts finding himself in the circle with the ball and taking the opportunity to score our second outstanding goal.  We progressed with some awesome hockey plenty of calling, mostly ‘since when was that square?’ or ‘is that really where top is? ‘.  We pretty much controlled the rest of the game and Phil finally got a great touch from a Nuts cross to score the final goal, the whistle securing the VICTORY for the Farts at 3-1.

Craig was solid as a rock in the middle, lots of intercepts and a good interface for feeding the ball between the back and the forwards

Farts continue winning way - down Petone 3-1

The rain stopped in time for the Old Farts clash against old foes Petone at Fraser Park.
Notably absent were Tapper and the two Daves, but Gus and Phil stepped up to help the team out, also A big welcome back to Alan.
The Old Farts got an early break and Jason slotted the first goal after a great long corner pass from Phil to Nuts, who drilled it at the goal, where everyone left it for Jason to slot nicely. Boom! farts up 1 nil.
There was a lot of mid field play where Craig held the mid field. Whilst Dan was playing like a man possessed doing lots of running.
By the time we hit the sheds at half time Petone had managed to equalise at 1-1.
After a rousing half time talk by Nuts we hit the field ready to put Petone away.
The second half saw plenty of mid field play again.
With the Old Farts on attack Nuts got hold of the ball in the circle and managed a flick past the keeper Boom! Boom! 2-1 to the Farts.
The third goal was set up by Nuts again.......
Nuts received another ball in the circle and tried a tricky push past the keeper, the angle was acute and pinged off the left hand post and behind the keeper where Phil was hovering to put the ball away for the third and final goal.
The Farts managed to keep Petone scoreless for the rest of the game.

Goals scorers
1 - Jason
1 - Nuts

MVP points
3- Dan
2 - Jason
1 - And Nuts for bringing the oranges.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Breaking news - Porter confesses under pressure from SIS over allegations of match fixing

Breaking news, The SIS has just announced that Craig Porter has admitted to scoring an own goal yesterday.

Craig has owned up, the day after the event that Karori didn't score the first goal yesterday, but that he calmly deflected it past the outstretched goalie.
Craig has been making noises about moving up into the forwards, something about not wanting to run so much etc etc, and it seems that he wanted to prove his worth yesterday by scoring (or maybe he'd been talking to Nuts about the benefits of scoring goals?)
Craig has been making noises about moving up into the forwards, something about not wanting to run so much etc etc, and it seems that he wanted to prove his worth yesterday by scoring (or maybe he'd been talking to Nuts about the benefits of scoring goals?)
Debs, maybe you should have a chat to jenny about the consequences!

God knows we are having enough problems trying to keep nuts in the backs let alone Craig lining up as well

However, this is an historic event as Craig probably goes down in the record books as the first scorer of an own goal in Naenae history - maybe the committee will remember this at prize giving time, isn't there a gumboot award?

Farts impressive in snatching late Draw.

The drought had broken and NHS was back in operation in time for the Farts first town game. A reasonable hour for a morning game, 10.00 hit off, which meant we could sleep in a bit or have a bit of extra time to recover from the night before.

However in true Farts tradition, 10 mins to go and we were short a couple of players and a goalie. Luckily trapper was carting around Rearends’ gear since his potential retirement, so a quick padding up saw the team take the field with Vince in goal. It must be said that the gear didn’t really fit him that well, it was a bit on the large size!

Craig and Watkin arrived just on hit off, so after about 10 mins Vince was subbed and I think he was quite relieved at that too!
Karori appeared to have a younger fitter team (this seems to be a constant theme to our games?), and showed some good skills, but the Farts played their typical open game, had a number of chances, and Moses opening the scoring.

Karori spent a lot of time keeping the Farts camped in our circle. Some questionable umpiring gave Karori 5 or 6 PC’s in a row but the Farts defence held them out with strong tackling and committed play.

Karori managed to equalise late in the first half, and when the guys went to the sheds Nuts gave a rousing speech, partly to encourage the team, partly to make up for the fact that he had failed to bring any “Jet planes” or “snakes” for the boys to recharge their energy levels.
The second half was more of the first, and the game started to get a bit more physical. Irene Van Dyke was heard to say that Karori were blatantly cheating, although when interviewed, Norma “I’ll chew your ear off” bulldog Plummer reckoned the Farts just needed to toughen up.
Trapper stepped up the mark in a tackle with a Karori player, taking a severe late shot to the body, which quickly turned into a bit of an “Argy Bargy” pushing match even though the umpire had blown it up.

Both players were called over, the umpire commenting on Trappers outstanding game, how much he’d trimmed down and how he appreciated the umpiring help trapper was giving, and awarded him a green triangle for “Good Sportsmanship” , while he showed his utter contempt and disgust at the Karori players blatant attempt at taking out the star Farts player by sending him to the sideline for a period of cooling down.

The Karori fitness started to show, and even after some stalwart defending, including Moses getting a lifted ball straight into his hand that was so hard it would have broken the thigh bone of an adult Bull elephant, Karori managed to sneak a ball under Watkin and dribble into the goal.
But the Farts never gave up, and the Karori umpire even awarded them a couple of PC’s, with one right on full time.

The Farts hours of PC practise and startegising came to the fore, Toddy came up to receive the ball, and Zac pulled it out to him. However in a quick thinking mode, Zac looked at Toddy but did a no look pass to Nuts (will that’s what he claimed) , and Nuts slammed it into the backboard for a 2-2 final score.

1 - Moses
1 – Nuts

3 – Zac, another outstanding effort, all over the park and showing strong improvement in tackling (getting the ball not the player) and some deft touches in beating opponents)
2- Dave R – continues to show commitment and effort in getting around the park
1-Moses – good opening goal, strong running and put his thumb on the line for the team

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Farts open 2013 with decisive win

Today marked the opening of the 2013 season, and a Farts team with an old trusted look opened their account with a decisive win against the team from Upper Hutt.

This year sees the return of Dave lewin, Dave Ryan and Phil Monrad, with this trio bring a wealth of experience and skills. added to the older heads was a new player Vince Goodman, bringing the running and energy of youth to the team.

Although the hadn't played for many years they all showed they still have the old touches, Dave lewin still took our breath away with his deft one handed dribbling skills and "one-touches", Phil was solid as ever in defence, and Dave Ryan was just everywhere and into everything.

The Farts opened the scoring with a couple of well hits shots rocketing into the backboards. A PC saw Toddy with a chance that sailed right of the goal. It then looked like willy was going to get his hat trick, but Vince chimed in with a good goal to have a relaxed Farts team 3-0 up when they went to the sheds.

They maintained the pressure in the second half, Jason putting away a ball that had traveled through via a few sticks to find him loitering around the off post.

Upper Hutt tried to rally, but Vince scored again to get his double, UH then managed to score a goal, but by then the game was literally over.

The team looked good for their first hit out, settling into a good flowing game with lots of open passing, and players trying to back up in defence (but some like Trapper often lagging behind!

2 - Willy
2 - Vince
1 - Jason


3- Dave R - great first game, showed commitment, energy and still has the skills, imagine what he'll be like when he gets match fit!
2- Zac - already into his usual everywhere style, with speed and great touches, even managed some passes!
1- Dan - quiet achiever, again a solid game on the left

2- Trapper Brought oranges and also umpired R1 game after ours.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Only 82 sleeps till hockey

To the tune of ZMFM's sleeps till Christmas.....
"82 sleeps, only 82 sleeps till hockey,
82 sleeps till the big fat men in their tight red shirts take the field with their battered old sticks to play hockey"

Yes, incredible as it sounds, especially when we are still lying on the beach basking in the warm sunlight (Yeah right, quick look out the window and only thing that is streaming down is the rain!) but hockey is only 82 sleeps away.

Now i know that you have all been on special diets over the Christmas break, building up your store of Carbs and making sure you are properly hydrated for the grueling season that is appearing on the horizon. Now is a good time to start the exercise program that will propel you to peak fitness.

Here’s some simple exercises, that as long as you don't over do it, will build stamina and muscle, add agility and flexibility, and get you in shape for the 13 season.

1) put aside the TV remote and manually change channels

2) In your regular hydration times, go get your won beer out of the fridge - be careful, don't overdo this, as you may strain something, or worse still your significant other will expect it all the time

3) When actually hydrating, change hands and drink with your eyes closed - this will build ambidexterity and spacial awareness

4) When dressing in the morning, bend down to tie your shoes, this helps with getting your body weight low to the ground (Nuts, maybe get debs to guide you first time, as we are sure you haven’t seen your feet for a while)

5) Lastly, to build long distance stamina, park the car outside the shop next to the one you're going into.

6) One last preseason exercise, try on your team shirt, I think the material they have used is a bit dodgy, there have been some complaints of it shrinking with age.

These simple exercises will help you prepare for the new season, we look forward to seeing you on the turf ready to blaze a new chapter in Farts hockey after Easter weekend.

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