Thursday, October 14, 2010

Farts defence endure torrid time at WHA Masters

The Farts defense endured a torrid time in both its recent games in the WHA masters.  despite highly rated opposition, they withstood wave after wave of attacks, and its obvious that the management sessions that Mark Hagar had with Farts management about defence prior to going to Delhi paid off with a silver to our womens black sticks team!

Sunday vs Northern - Lost 3-0
Northern arrived with big guns expecting a hard game against the Farts.
Another mixed bag of players, some old faces and a few new ones, saw the Farts with a run on eleven and a couple of subs, a nice feeling to have.
It was an arm wrestle in the first half with both sides having their chances, but the Northern ‘guns’ gradually took control in second half for a 3-0 win.
Fart of the day, Rearend

Wednesday vs Varsity - Lost 1-0
Sundays new faces returned, drawn to the spirit and camaraderie of the Farts. It was also apparent that there's a horde of players out there desperate to add having played for the Farts to their Sporting CV.
The first half was all Varsity, described by rearend as like being in shooting gallery or was that goal during a forward training session. This however gave the Farts defence an opportunity to show their skill, determination and true worth, and great play by Rearend, Nuts, Ropes, Mark (Petone) and Robyn (Upper Hutt) meant the Farts went to the sheds at half time only 1-0 down to Varsity.
The second half was a more even affair, with the the Farts getting a chance to show their skills, entering the Varsity circle and even managing some shots on goal. Varsity has the best changes with PC’s and a Stoke but failed to convert anything and the Farts came off at full time having held Varsity to just the 1 goal.
Rearends physiological warfare before the stroke paid dividends when Varsity hit the posts and the ball came to rest outside the circle.
Fart of day was Tim Tessier, something to do with missing easy goals.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

"Old Farts" have some life in them left and start WHA masters season off with a Win!

And so another WHA masters season starts, and thankfully given our age and memory ability its a short 7 game one, otherwise we would struggle to the end!
The Farts have entered a team, with a core of “old Farts players, but bolstered with imports on temporary release contracts from their regular franchises (Northern, Varsity, Hutt, Petone and Eastern Women Men’s Team).
So it was a hastily thrown together mob of players that hit the turf last night for the first up game against their old foes the fire breathing (too many hot curry’s) ” Indian Kings”.
The game was an open and fast moving game (apparently because i wasn’t there so relying on player feedback) and the Farts played a simple hold/pass game that worked from the back, with great running/movement up front (now why couldn’t we do that for the last few real games?)
The final result was a win, either 4-1 or 5-1 win, (Rear end couldn’t remember scores or who scored, probably hard for him to see that far up the pitch anyway) .
Amazingly the “Player of day” as chosen by Indians was Rear end  in goal (wonder how many free Ferry trips he bribed them with?).

Monday, September 20, 2010

The "Great Northern Road trip" - a tail of comradeship, valour and dedication

It was a pleasant and mild Friday morning as across the area the Farts quietly prepared their gear for the “Great Northern Road Trip” to the HB masters.

They mounted their trusty steeds and journeyed away, to congregate at that meeting place of the Legendary Northern Viking ancestors, Dannevirke. After they had sated their hunger and thirst, they set off again in convoy north, on the last leg of the great trek.

Friday afternoon and into the night was spent regaling tales of past conquests, both on and off the field of battle, of battles won, wenches conquered and injuries sustained in the battle and the ensuing feasting.  Zephyrus, the Greek god of the west wind or spring winds was in great evidence, both inside amongst the assembled horde and outside ragging against the battlements (Nuts thought the winds were rather violent in his hut, from both ends – his roommate Rear-end and Trapper)

Saturday morning dawned fine and mild, and after a early breakfast of mainly freshly slaughtered pork and eggs, washed down with gallons of coffee, the horde assembled on the great northern bluff to pay homage to Zephyrus and divine the events that may unfold that day.
Richie Rich had been agreed upon as the leader of this waring party from the south, and he held court at midday to lay out his plans for battle, with discussion of outflanking manoeuvres, fient attacks and holding back reserves for the final thrust

They strode off to the battlefield, heads held high, hair streaming back in the wind, sunlight glinting off their helmets (or was that bald heads), great battle axes in the hands. But the conditions were against the Farts from the start, as the weather had turned on a sweltering day, burning their skin, making rivers of sweat to blind their eyes and wearying their aged limbs.

The first period of battle was ferocious and saw the attack ebb and flow like the waves on the beach, Trapper went down with a blow to his leg (some say he was focussed on the BBQ that was cooking sausages in front of him, when he got the ball suddenly and went down in a heap with a twisted ankle) . The Farts fought on gallantly, even with men dropping like flies. Legs scored and at the end of the first skirmish the “Passmasters” were ahead 2-1. It was an ominous sign that whilst the Farts retreated to the cool and dark of the dugout to prepare for the next onslaught, the Passmasters stood in the blazing sun on the field of battle. When battle re commenced, against the valiant efforts of a flagging defence the Passmasters took out the battle 6-1.

The Farts only had a short respite before the next waring faction, Taradale, took the field of battle to challenge them to a fight to the death, winner to go straight to a final battle against the Passmasters. More valor was shown with Trapper taking hits to the head and chest, and Willy collecting a full force blow to his leg (he got in the way of a Rear-end clearing kick from close range)

Again it was a valiant effort for the men in red, but further injuries and the effects of heat exhaustion from the earlier battle took their toll and the Farts were beaten (8-1). Legs had again scored to restore some Farts honour.

The Farts had undertaken the great trek north, but succumbed to injuries, heat and probably general weariness from a long waring season.

The celebrations that night were long, and the Farts were awarded the inaugural “Tui Trophy” for best sportsmanship (I think, it was rather foggy by then).
Nuts picked up the award for best male under garments (Mr Perfect undies).

Awards were presented within the team for valor and actions above and beyond the call of duty (MVP's), to Kerry (Shultz) Nitz, Ants (Chicken legs) and Glen (Rearend).

After a rest the weary band travelled home on the Sunday morn, and being the Sabbath, broke their journey for a time of reflection and reverence at that great “god of the Oranges” at Mangatinoka.

At home, they cleaned and then put aside their great battle axes till the next waring season was upon them. 

Monday, September 13, 2010

AB’s win to better the Farts winning streak record – and prize giving results

It was confirmed on Saturday night that the Farts 14 game winning streak is the longest in recorded Farts history (and probably a club record).  However the AB’s came from behind to overcome the Wallaby’s late Saturday night and extend their streak to 15, 1 better than the Farts.
But The Farts management aren’t disappointed to lose this record, Graham Henry rang just before kick off on Saturday night to wish the Farts players well at the prize giving and to get some advice from the management regarding motivating the AB’s. During the  30 min conversation, Ted took copious notes, and came away with a pre-pared half time speech that obviously worked, as the AB’s turned around a 14 point Wallaby lead to pip them at the end.
Ted apologised to the Farts management for not being able to attend and cheer them on in the final, and shared his feelings of disappointment at their final game loss, however he reminded them of the “International Series” coming up at the Masters, and also congratulated them on their  team spirit and camaraderie.
There was some talk of a possible contract for Trapper to be drafted into the AB’s management team as “Oranges” boy.

Prize giving (Pic to follow)
The annual NCOB prize giving night was held on Saturday night, ands was a huge success with the Farts team coming away with three Trophies
Best Overall Club Goalkeeper – Timbo
MVP - Farts team – Cambo
Most Improved – Farts team –Trapper

Monday, September 6, 2010

The final – a bridge too far?

The Farts lined up against the Young Guns on Fathers Day yesterday in the R2 men’s final at NHS1.

The sideline was packed with supporters, including kids of the older players cheering them on.
For most of the first hal the Frats had all the pressure, they peppered the circle with attacking moves, had numerous PC’s and forced pjhil to make some good saves in goal, as time went on they threw more resources into the attack, until the inevitable breakout by the Young Guns down the right flank, eventually drawing Rear-end out of the goalmouth, and with a square pass the Young Guns were ahead on the board.
That was how they hit the sheds at halftime. The Farts weren’t worried, they still had a half to go and had enough pressure to encourage them that eventually the dam would break.

Veitchy equalised not long into the half, and the Frats applied more pressure but it was all to no avail. The Young Guns defended well, getting low in the tackles, and then breaking out quickly into spaces to release the pressure. 

The game took an interesting turn when one umpire called Adrian over to give a team warning, we think for back chatting.  However when Adrian tried to gather the team to communicate this the umpire then seemed to decide this was a pure time wasting tactic and reversed the hit in that he had give to the Farts. The young Guns went to take it quickly, as most of the Frats were still crowded near Adrian at the top of the circle. Seeing what was happening, Trapper rushed over to mark the hit, and successfully deflected the first hit in, however from only about 4 metres. The Umpire seemed to decide this was a consistent breech or something and promptly yellow carded Trapper.  I suppose pressure does interesting things to different people?

The Young Guns held on gallantly, and after 2 more successful break outs had notched up 2 more goals, running out with a 3-1 victory.

They deserved to win the final, they had definitely improved throught the season, with better tackling (much lower) and good situational awareness of where each other were coupled with quick passing, something the Farts failed to do to their own demise.

Hard to pick as well played below our best, but 3 point to Rear-end, not only was this his first game for most of the season,  but he had an injured wrist and still played on.

So another season of WHA hockey closes, and although they lost the final, they had and 18 – 3 win/loss record, with 114 goals scored (and almost everyone getting at least one goal) and getting through to the final.
Certainly a platform to build on for next year.  In the mean time we have the great northern road trip, incorporating what hopefully will be the first of many pilgrimages to that holy mecca of Mangatinoka, and then possibly a short masters season.  Maybe trapper will get to play in goal at some stage!

On the social front, it was a great year, with the re-introduction of Oranges a focus point after games. The number and consistency of the supporters was also heartening.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Final Countdown - 3 sleeps

Only 3 sleeps to go and the tension is mounting. Wicky has even started to chew his fingernails (and thats disgusting cause hes a plumber) .

Rear-end has advised that his kicking is fine, but he’s now working on strengthening his arm muscles to aid in taking out the “Young Guns”, opps that should read  deflecting their shots at goal (although we only expect 2 in the match).  Without access to a gym, Rear-end has had to improvise, and is often seen doing shuttle runs down to “Trax” and using handles as barbells.  The meat pies have helped to up his Carb intake as well.
Legs has been watching too much TV, reruns of the “Tour de France”, and has reportedly shaved his legs decreasing wind resistance  so that he can cut through the air quicker. To be honest his legs created hardly any resistance at all thus the nick name of chicken “Legs”, maybe should have been “lucky legs”, lucky they don’t break!
Veitchy apparently has accepted a contract for next season for a Christchurch based franchise,  and he’s expected to move south at the end of the year.  The final will be his last appearance in an “Old Farts” shirt, so will be looking to score 12 goals to overhaul Cambo as the teams top scorer.

For todays trivia we thought we ask players about their musical tastes. What a variety there was , both between the teams and even within the ” Farts”.
The “Young Guns” almost universally stated that Justin Bieber and with Boy Zone just edging out ABBA as their favourite artists (although Gus preferred “the Wiggles”).
In the Farts camp,
·         understandably the Backs liked anything Heavy,  though Toddy preferred Joe Cocker, his idol (and apparently he’s appearing shortly on “Stars in their eyes” as him, has the hair/sideboards anyway),
·         Legs likes both sorts of music, “Country and Western” and regularly  listens to the Topp Twins and any yodelling artist
·          Veitchy is very obviously into  punk rock (Sex Pistols, The Banshees)
·         and Cambo likes Carly Simon (he actually does this “your so vain” in written about him!)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Final Countdown - 4 sleeps - Live from the TSB arena caretakers changing room

Well sports fans only 4 sleeps to go, and today’s edition comes to you live form the careakers changing room at the TSB arena, were here, only because we are hoping to get a glimpse of some of the Kiwi Netballers practising ion their tight and skimpy uniforms, but that’s another story
Excitement is starting to build with each passing day, Rear-end has been practising his kicking (how’s your butt toddy?), and Gok has  had “her indoors”  tightening the elastic in his pants so they hold up during the final

Some Quirky stats to start us off
A student studying at the Southern Institute in Invercargill has done a thesis on the movement of a hockey ball during a game (well, what else is there to do in Invercargill for a single lonely person during those cold winter nights)
On average the ball
·         Is hit 3756 times
·         Bounces the equivalent distance of falling from the top of the Sky tower
·         Travels 41.789 KMs
No wonder it’s small, hard and white!

Most Memorable sporting moment
We’ve asked a couple of the players to join us  in the Caretakers room this morning for a quick chat about the most memorable moment in their hockey career so far
Firstly Cambo“well it actually was last week in the semi final.  I got the ball somewhere near our 16, dribbled all the way to the oppositions goal line drawing the goalie, and then passed the ball to trapper, he missed the open goal, but, I “passed” the ball, i mean, i actually passed the ball.  It’s something I’ve wanted to do all my life, the Everest of my hockey career, I’ve been visualising that moment since i got my first pair of long trousers”

Thanks Cambo, also with us is Gus, the nuggetty “well rounded” Young Guns player  
Craig “Gus” McWilliams  - “to be honest, this final is the pinnacle of my career, its  hard to believe but it will  surpass that other  most memorable other game of my life, the grudge match last year against the Farts.  Let’s face it, it’s not every [player that gets to line up against the immortal Farts, and last years thrashing has been a memory that i have long cherished.  Just the thill of being on the same field as players such as Nuts, Legs, Rear-end, Gok, to see the sun glinting off Trappers head and Toddy’s ginga mop streaming back in the breeze.  That thrashing is a memory that will be  engraved in my memory for the rest of my life.  I will be able to bounce grandkids on my knee one day and to tell in whispers that i was there.....”

Thanks Gus, well sports fans, it looks like the Silver Ferns are starting their warm ups, so time for me to go.............

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Final Countdown - 5 sleeps

Well sports fans, 5 sleeps to go till the Mighty “Old Farts” take on the up and coming “Young Guns” in the R2  final on Sunday.  With so much media attention worldwide on this event, we’ve decided to go to print daily with snippets of news, views and stats about the upcoming final

Firstly some interesting stats for the match
·         There will be 11 players from each team on the field at any one time
·         They are expecting their biggest turn out of the year with an estimated 23.5 spectators
·         This is the first R2  final both teams have played this year
·         The “yum yum” is expecting an explosion in chips sales after the Management of the Old Farts  discussed their Carb intake and dietary needs. They have  ordered an extra 3 boxes for before the game, a box for half time and 2 for afterwards. 

News snippets
·         Debs has advised that “Nuts” has upped his speed and weight training, he’s now walking briskly between the sofa and fridge, and carrying 10 Peanut slabs in each hand – “how many can you do?”
·         “Young Guns” management has asked the team to put some iron into their play and stiffen up their back line moves. So their mothers have all gone out and brought “Iron man “ cereal for their breakfasts, and are going to “extra” starch their playing shirts
·         Trapper has got in early with Fathers gift lists, asking his kids for books, the list includes, “Trapping for Dummies”, “Beginners guide to managing a senior citizen sports team ”  or “I was a fat bastard but now I play hockey”
·         And still on the Fathers Day theme, the Young Guns training sessions have been rescheduled, it appears the team are all too busy out  looking for monogrammed hankies or socks for their fathers day gifts.

World News
·         Mark Hager isn’t optimistic about the NZ Womens Black Sticks chances at the world champs.  Normally in the past he’s been able to contact Farts management for tips, hints and strategies before the big tournaments, but this week they have been unavailable as they have been in serious strategy meetings of their own (and the pub doesn’t have a phone or internet connection)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Old Farts cruise into Final

Last night the Farts lined up against Victoria 4, in a game that would give one team an early end to the season.
WHA supplied the umpires, and Phil turned up again to extend his run of games for the “senior” team. The Farts only had 2 reserves plus Glen but were reasonably confident of keeping up with the pace of the game.
Along with the usual Farts supporters, a large contingent of  rather loud (Inc all manners of Horns and even a  vuvuzela) and seemingly inebriated “young Guns” turned out to cheer the Farts on.
Vic had won the toss and chose the ball, and the first hit was one of only three times they had the ball in the Farts half.  The Farts had all the territory and ball in the first half. They had around 30 shots at goal, and numerous PC’s, but couldn’t find the back of the net.
Half time in the sheds the Farts were treated to a team talk by the legend of Naenae Hockey Ash “Ropes” Roper.  It fired them up, to go back out into the cool evening.
The second half was more of the same re Farts pressure, except this time the goals came. First Cam opened with a goal and then a second.  A great pass from Scotty found Legs into front of goal to slot the third.  Richie Rich got into the act netting the fourth, and Needles capped off the night with the fifth.
After the game the “Young Guns” formed a guard of honour for the Farts as they came off the field.
The Farts are peaking at the right end of the season, they showed good passing skills, and lots of use of space, and Trapper even managed to trap the ball.
Craig had a huge game, very strong defence and good injection into attack. Cam was his usual self, all over the place, in attack and defence, except his conversion rate was poor, 2 goals from 19 shots!
Richie Rich commanded the midfield and marshalled the troops well in attack. Scotty found a number of players with his penetrating passes, and backed up.
The only disappointing feature was the lack of activity from the back three, they really did nothing, and Phil was particularly bad, not even touching the ball at all.
So, the final beckons, next Sunday against the “Young Guns”, an all Naenae shout out of R2, with the winner taking all the glory and a Naenae team definite to start next year in R1 contention

Late Breaking news
Cambo has been cited by the FCA (Farts Complaint Authority) , last night after the game he was see drinking with the Young Guns, and and its alleged that he was trading team secrets for drinks. Farts management has evidence he had shared secrets such as “Trapper can’t Trap”, “Nuts can’t run” and promising that in the final next week “he wouldn’t pass”.  The FCA will have to decide the severity of these allegations and any suitable recourse.

2 – Cambo
1 – Legs
1 - Richie Rich
1 – Needles

3 – Craig – awesome game, playing some of the best hockey of his career
2 – Cambo  - what can you say, 2 goals, into everything, but will need to improve his conversion rate
2 – Wicky –  another solid game from the big guy and he brought the oranges.
1.5  - Rearend – didn’t umpire, but turned up, geared up completely to fill in as goalie but then allowed Phil to take his place on the field and had to change back into Civies.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Farts finish the Round Robin unbeaten - Finals beckon!

Last night the Farts turned out for their final Round Robin game. The warm-up was with the last rays of the setting sun, but the game was played under lights. The temperature quickly dropped and some of the Farts found themselves losing heat quickly through their thinning (or non existent) mop of hair!
The Farts had this season built a reputation for chewing up Goalies, so it was a surprise to see Phil from the Young Guns volunteer to fill in for us, resigning Glen again to the whistle (allowing his wrist to recuperate more fully)
The game got off to a fast pace, and for a change from recent games the Farts had a huge advantage in possession in then opposition red zone (96.5%), with a key stat being shots on goal (Farts 27, Vic 5).
Unfortunately the Farts struggled to convert their chances, even though they  went to the sheds 5-1 up, they had shots glancing off the front of the post, scrapping the outside of the posts and a few saves from the goalie.
The best goal of the first half was due to a fast break out of defence, and solid clearing pass from Willie found trapper with some space, he beat the left back, and drove towards the goal (Veitchy was screaming for a pass) but trapper calmly slotted the ball past the gaolie into the far corner (well that’s how trapper saw it!).
Veitchy had opened the scoring with one that dribbled over the line, and Cam had scored three great goals, one nearly powering through the top left hand side of the net.  A comment before the game was that we needed to “let the ball go” and the first half was typified was lots of quick inter-passing and running off the ball to create spaces.
Two stand out players were Craig and Needles, who between them put up a solid and determined defence and then quick turnaround into attack down the left hand side.
The Farts relaxed in the second due i think to their dominance in the first, the game developed into long passes from the back (two of which trapper managed to spectacularly mis-trap completely – Nothing but air) and a number of running plays. The Farts still had dominance in the red zones, with even more misses on goal, goal mouth scrambles and a number of PC’s as well.  Veitchy scored a cracker, a firm pass into the circle from Cam deflected up towards Veitchy near the spot, for him to sweetly swat it past the goalie.
While Victoria’s tactics appeared to have dissolved, they continued to battle and scored tow consolation goals.
Final score 6-3.
Next stop the semi final next Sunday!

3 – Cam
2 – Veitchy
1 – Trapper (although probably the best goal of the game LOL!)

3 – Cam – what can you say, scored three, lots of energy, didn’t complain when i ran a red light giving him a lift home.
2 – Craig – good solid Game
1 – Needles – good hassling down left flank.

2 – Rearend – Umpired and but had volunteered to play goalie with a dodgy wrist and in fact was half dressed in his gear when Phil turned up!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Viv Pihemia Memorial Match - a very emotional match

This morning the Farts ran out on their home turf, to cap off a very emotional week.

On Tuesday afternoon, after suffering a massive Brain hemorrhage earlier in the day Viv passed away peacefully. In the short time she had come along to support the Farts, she had made an impact with her smile, her laughter and her friendliness. During the week guys in the team showed their support for Ants, and today Viv's Family repaid those gestures by turning up in force to cheer on Ants and the team. It was fitting that they came and wore "butterfly wings" as apparantly these were a specialty of Vivs.

The guys played with Black Armbands, and had a minutes silence before the game to honour her.

But it showed right form the start that the emotion was there, even though the game flowed back and forth, Rongatai appeared to have the upper hand and scored first.  The Farts equalised through Veitchy, and after a long arm wrestle Cambo scored so the Farts went to the sheds at half time 2-1 up. This also meant the farts were sitting on 99 goals for the year to date

Early in the second half Scotty found Trapper wide on the flank unmarked, a swift pass, a 20 metre drive, beat the fullback, go to the line and pull it back for Ants to slot the 100th goal of the year.

The forwards swamped Ants to celebrate the goal, the 100th of the season and it was so fitting Legs scored it. There was more than one set of moist eyes in the celebrations. The Farts then proceeded to "Congo" back to half way.

The next goal was also set up by Scotty, again finding Trapper in space, this time for Cambo to find the back of the net. Not long after a pass from the IR channel found Trapper on the far post and he managed to slot the 5th for the day.  Rongatai were lucky to retain a full team with the amount of verbal pressure they applied to the umpires, but all teams have come to expect that form them this season.  They did apply a lot of pressure, and at times the Farts defended well although Rongatai managed to score a couple of consolation goals

I have to admit that this game was very much a blur, such was the level of emotion that built up this week and was released today.

Without Doubt, Legs was the MVP for the day. He was everywhere, in attack and defence, and rightly notched up the Farts century of goals.

The sideline support by the Pihema whanau, went a long way to making this a match that will go down in Farts history and the memories of all the players for a long time. Especially memorable was the pitch invasion by the fairies at halftime and their lap of honour!

Special mention to Timbo, he fell over half way through the first, not certain why, maybe he wanted to check out the new turf close up.  When he got up he thought his wrist was a little sore. Dr on monday morning conformed he'd broken it and played 3/4 of the game with a broken wrist. Typical Farts attitude, play on!

2 - Cambo
1- Legs (the 10tth !)
1 - Veitchy
1 - Trapper

3 - Legs
2- Pihema "Angels in the outfield"
1- Scotty - great passing set up two of the goals
1- Rearend -Umpiring
1 - Nuts - Oranges

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Farts win the Minor premiership

The weather Gods were smiling on the Farts this morning as they turned out at the unusual time of 11.15AM to take on Northern United.
With the Farts sitting 10 points ahead of the the Young Guns in second place, and only three games to go, they only needed a win to secure the Minor premiership, and this morning they did that with a ground out 2-0 win.
The night before we had all watched the AB's arm wrestle a win from the Wallabys to secure the Bledisloe cup. Then watched England steal a win on full time from the Black Sticks.
With so much at stake, this morning the AB's had the game televised live into their motel rooms, and Shane McLeod, the Black Sticks Coach also organised satellite coverage, to look for some pointers to help the Black Sticks improve their play.
The Frats have been unbeaten in pool play this year, and like all champion teams as they near their peak [performance, they tend to pull the opposition along with them, and so it was today.
The Farts had previously dispatched Northern with ease, but today they came out firing, and took the Farts on in a frantic "man to man" marking strategy.
The game was an arm wrestle from the start and while the Farts had 57 % of possession, and 61% of territory, it wasn't till mid way through he first half that Veitchy had a shot at goal blocked, which trapper then powered towards the goal only to have it stopped by a defenders foot. Veitchy slotted the Stroke into the top RH side of the net. The Farts piled on the pressure, and one great ball from Scotty split open the defence, although trapper couldn't quite catch it up.  So the Farts went to the sheds only 1-0 up.

The second half was much the same although gaps were starting to open up in the Northern defence, and their umpire even managed to to give us some PC's. However the Farts second gaol was a cracker from field play.
Adrian got the ball from Richie Rich around the 25, and put his foot down to power towards the circle, then hammered a cross goal pass to Needles who was waiting by the far post to slap it into the goal.

The Farts ended the game with 57% of possession, 63% of territory and didn't turn over the ball in the tackle as much as the previous week.

So, they have ticked off one BHAG (winning the minor premiership), and are two goals close to their Century.Two games to go to finish the round robin, then onto the finals.

1 - Veitchy
1- Needles

3- Wicky - strong game again,certainly showed his presence in defence and attack
2- Nuts - He turned up, he played, and he drank a beer afterwards.  (actually he played will in defence, and the backs lacked something when he went off )
1- Toddy - a number of good clearing and attacking passes, showed good vision.

1- Rearend - umpiring
1- Veitchy - oranges

Next weeks game is a home sunday morning game, can we have a volunteer for oranges?

Monday, August 2, 2010

Farts get 3-peat

In atrocious weather last night the Old Farts and The Young Guns Squared off in their second match of this season, and the third in 12 months.
During the warm ups it was cold with light drizzle, but just as the game was about to start a strong northerly whipped  the rain into a horizontal stinging sheet which the Farts faced into in the first half, it was reminiscent of watching that historic match  where the AB’s played into the storm against  the Wallaby’s at Athletic Park.
Maybe the weather was an omen, maybe it was that the Farts were for once reduced to just 13 players,  but the Farts played probably their worst game of the season.  Conversely the Young Guns came out fired up and seem to have melded into a better unit , with lots of deflection passes and good trapping skills.
For the first 5 mins the Farts had to weather not just the horizontal rain, but a ferocious period of play from the Young Guns. Although there were no shots on goal, the game was played deep into Farts defensive half.
However the Farts took their chances as they came, a short pass  to Trapper, who unbelievably trapped the ball, then in a dazzling 30 metre run up the flank beat two players and passed into the circle for Legs to smack home his first goal.
More pressure from the Guns, but again the Farts scored, with Richie Rich putting a great ball from IR towards the LH goal post (where Trapper was waiting to slot it home) but Big Needles stepped in and slammed it into the net from 5 metres.
Similar pressure again, but with a break out and some pressure of our own then Veitchy sent one goal wards, Legs managed to get a stick on it (just as it was about to go in the goal) to “claim” his second. Then he managed another to get his hat rick.
Nuts saved a goal off the line, a lifted shot that he partially trapped at nipple height (I could tell, it was cold) and then cleared away.
4-nil up, but with only about 16% of the territory, the Farts then conceded one, then another to go to the sheds 4-2 up.
Scotty had his usual 10 min Breather period just before half time and was fired up on his return at the start of the second half.
But the Young Guns came out fired up as well, and after concerted pressure had pulled it back to 4-3. It really looked like they had a chance to draw, maybe if they were lucky to win (and they seemed to have a lot of luck with umpiring decisions).
The Farts were however beginning to find gaps and get more attacks in (even a few PC’s). One attack ended in a 16 hit, and Trapper thought he would deliberately position himself in the circle to unnerve the Guns defence (well that was what he said but this reporter thinks he was too tired to run back). The ploy worked, they fluffed the hit, tamely topping it towards Scotty, who with outstanding vision and skill (is that a good enough mention Scotty?) saw Trapper unmarked in the circle and slammed a pass to his off side, Trapper reverse trapped, beat the sprawling goalie (maybe he fell over in surprise at the trap) and slammed the ball into the net from a very acute angle.
Shortly after more pressure and the Farts got a PC, Scotty hit out, then ran in for the return pass from Veitchy and slotted it high into the net. The Umpire deemed it the first “shot” and therefore too high.  However not long after Veitchy tried Trapper's tactical move of hanging around in the circle, a quick pass and he slotted the ball home.
The Guns scored another goal, this one a well worked drag flick By Jordan from a PC.  That was the last scoring moment and the game ended 6-4.
As mentioned, that was the worst Game the Farts had played, not seeming top get their rhythm,  and losing too much possession, particularly turning it over in the tackle. It also showed the improvement form the Young Guns that they are getting closer. The next show down is likely to be in the finals, so that one will have bragging rights for the season.
A comment heard from the sheds before the game was that the white shirts appeared to make the Farts players look fat, however after Nuts took the shirt off he still retained that fine Farts Physique.  I had some discussion after the game  with our in house resident Fashion Guru “Gok” , and he suggested that for our alternate strip that thin vertical stripes would be slimming, preferably in a nice pale Lemon with pastel Pink trim to bring out our natural eye colouring.
So the Farts continue their unbeaten run for the competition  and also added to their goal tally, now having chalked up 95 for the year.
The Farts are closing in on their four BHAG’s (Big Hairy A*** Goals) for the year

  • 1)      100 goals
  • 2)      Unbeaten in the round robin
  • 3)      Minor premiership winners
  • 4)      Overall R2 winners
Three games in the season to go fans.

Goals scorers
3 - Legs (well should have been 2 but we'll give him the third as it might mean Viv comes to 2 games as a Cheerleader)
1 – Trapper
1 – Veitchy
1 – Needles


3- Legs – solid game and three goals 
2 - Trapper – great goal and good support play
1 – Nuts – great defence and save off the line

1-      Glen – Umpiring (again)
1-      Trapper – Oranges
1        1 - Kirin – supply of away strip (and also taking them home to wash!)

The next two Farts games are “back to the future” with two morning games, Elsdon then Fraser.

Robbie (GOK) is on Oranges.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Farts beat YW 6-3

While i was relaxing in the hotel bar, eating a nice prime steak and watching the Wallabies demolish the woeful Springboks i momentarily considered the impact of poor and cheating officials upon the games we love.

The Springboks seem to be struggling because they now have to play with referees that don't just penalise the opposition and turn a blind eye to their prehistoric thuggery.

Fast forward 24 hours, and the news headlines in the Sydney herald are "Farts win despite cheating umpire". Devil-liers was interviewed by Channel 7 news, and was quoted as saying "you know i can't say anything, as I've been told not to, but if i did say something, which I'm not, then i would probably be saying that one of the umpires was biased, but good thing im not as then i'd have to apologise and it wouldn't look good for God to say he was wrong would it!

So the Farts came out eventual winners of a game that seems to have been well umpired at one end and well, one sided at the other.

For all the news lets cut over now to Robo, our on the spot reporter at the hockey

The pre-game was quite a trip down memory lane for the players, having played in the dark for the last few weeks we had forgotten what we looked like in sun shine. So we had time to reacquaint ourselves and catch up with one another’s lives. Families, hobbies, pets etc.
It was a game of two halves, the first half and the second. Luckily with only one sub the team made it through both. Nae Nae starting the strongest with good passing up front and a couple of near misses waking the opposition up to the fact Nae Nae had turned up to play and not only to chat to the ref.
After a couple of strong breaks good passing across the goal mouth saw Needles in good position to knock the ball in the back of the net. After another good spell we had  Legs  and Scotty bring the Farts 3 – 0 up. YW were beginning to look a little worried as they had the youth and speed. However the farts have seen this combination before and stood strong. YW came back of two well worked corners and the Farts went to half time 3 – 2 up, but with YW with the momentum. Another good stirring talk from Richard L  about keeping the passing going and keeping the talking going saw the Farts back on the field with the sun at our backs and the wind in our main sails. Good passing from for the first 20 minutes again delivered a string of good goals from, Cam, Scotty and Legs to put the Farts firmly back in control and had force YW into longshots and weak passes. Most of which we intercepted. Remembering the half time speech about talking we really started to kick in with the oppositions ref for the blind  getting most of it. The result was after several attempts YW managed to get another corner. This was followed by Adrian having a short spell on the side line as the ref was beginning to feel the strain and get stroppy. Even taking offence at Scotty’s laughing. Paul missed a sitter and the  Farts held out and completed the half with all 11 players on the field, the final result 6 – 3 to the Farts. Willy brought the OJ’s and it was good to drink in the sun for a change.

Highlights – the combinations up the front, good running from Scotty, Ants, Cam and Paul, when these guys were passing the opposition were really struggling to slow it down. Richard L did good distribution and coaching. The talking in the team to call people on and into position.

My MVPs, 3- Legs, 2- Scotty, 1- Cam though Veitchy and Richard also played well and deserved to get mentioned in despatches.
1 to wily for oranges and Glenn again picks up a bonus point for umpiring

2- Legs
2- Scotty
1- Cam
1- Needles

In other developments, Needles was again asked his expert opinion on how the game was transpiring (like last year) "In the first half, I yelled out a few comments to the ref (naturally just encouraging him for the very fine, accurate decisions he was making at the relevant time).
He stopped the game, and called me over to tell me off.
Scotty came to the rescue and, quick as a flash, informed the ref that I was actually talking to him, and not to the ref! Even I hadn't thought of that.
Result: green cards to both Scotty and I.
As always seems to be the case: on those rare occasions when I receive a card, my family just happen to be there, and my boys are now very interested to know precisely what transpired between the ref, Scotty  and I!"

So there we go sports fans, an action packed day, and a good lead in to next weeks clash of the Titans, the Old Farts V The Young Guns.

Ill bring the Oranges, see you all there.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Farts continue winning streak, Are they close to peaking?

Two huge games, both scheduled for the same night,  that was the dilemma confronting the promoters when they realised just last week that the AB’s were scheduled to play at the same time as the Farts on Saturday night.
Frantic calls and emails, late night meetings and outlook calendars shared across continents as they tried to work out all possible combinations of ensuring maximum crowd and television coverage for both events.
In the end the Farts management conceded to moving their game to Sunday night mainly due to have a slightly lower crowd expected.
But what a two nights it turned out to be, the men in black dealt swiftly to the Yappies on Saturday night.  Gaining the upper hand right from the start, the only thing making the final score line look close to reasonable was Dan the Man Craters inability to read the wellington wind, only landing about 25 % of his attempts.  The AB’s came away with a convincing win and a bonus point.
Last night the men in black lined up again, but this time they were the Karori team, and up against much sterner opposition than the Yappies had the night before.
Right from the hit off, the Farts went on attack, and literally camped in the Karori circle, only retreating back to half way when a goal was scored. The farts had all the pressure, and the Karori goalie saved a number of goals.  The Frats really appear to be peaking, and becoming a team.  There was so much passing in the first half that one of the comments in the shed at half time was that we needed to be a bit more selfish and shoot more rather than all the passing! And this was a Frats team with Cam in it!
The action was so fats that this correspondent lost track of sho scored what goals , but when the boys did hit the shed for a well earned break, they were 6-0 up, and I think Legs, Veitchy, Scotty and Cam had all found the back of the net.  Poor Needles had done a “Dan the man”, and after 6 shots still hadn’t got on the score sheet.
Moses had come along to watch the Farts after his horrific injury, and while he had been training hard to regain his peak fitness so he can return, he has been a bit hesitant due to his injuries.  He was on hand to give some sage advice at half time.
The second half was more of the same, with a well struck goal to Cam that rocketed into the back board, this after a 30 metre dribble that had him beat 4 players, (a couple twice I think!).
Needle got onto the sheet, Robbie played a ball to Trapper, who “wall passed” it back to him just inside the circle, Robbie shot at goal but a Karori played blocked it and then tried to clear.  Unfortunately his clearance was firmer hit that Robbie’s, and straight across the front of the goalie to where Needle was standing to slot it home.
Trapper also got a reward for all his hard work, having a shot partially blocked but then diving towards the bobbling ball and reverse stick smacking it into the net.
The boys ended the half 6-1 up, for a combined score of 12-1.  If you include the number of saved and missed shots , the score should have been well over 20, close to 30 , that was the dominance of the Farts.
Hard to pick stand out players form such a impressive Team game.  Legs was all over the place and scored 4 goals, maybe the side bet with Viv did it, the Farts are looking forward to her coming to a future game in the cheerleaders outfit!.  Cam also had a huge work rate and was rewarded with his hat trick. Scotty and Veitchy’s single goals don’t do justice to the efforts they put in for the others to score.  Needles single goal belies the 9 or 10 shots he had.  Also of note Wicky had a huge game, solid in defence, Toddy put his body on the line and helped pick up the pace of clearing the defence in the second half, and Robbie helped keep the Karori scoresheet empty in the first half with a great effort clearing in front of goal after they had beaten Timbo.
This game brings the Farts season tally to 83 goals, not far now to crack a century
3 – Legs – what do you say when he scores 4, sets up a lot of others and goes back in defence
2- Cambo – ditto above except 3 goals
1 – Wicky great game turning defence into attack often
2- Glen – Umpiring and oranges

4 – Legs
3 - Cambo
2 - Scotty
1 – Veitchy
1 – Needles
1 - Trapper

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Farts follow in AB's foot steps

Another huge weekend for sports fans.

While all sports have been in the shadow of the beautiful game this past few weeks, as the world cup gets right to the pointy end, Rugby moved back onto centre stage with the AB’s up against their traditional foes the yappies in the first Tri Nations game.  After trying a few different line ups in recent games, “Ted” went back to some of his seasoned campaigners inc giving Rokocoko a run on position on the wing.


While he didn’t have a “stunning” game, Rokocoko was a solid member of the AB’s team that demolished the Yappies.


Maybe it was watching this that encouraged the Farts management to Give Trapper a run on position on the wing, but what ever it was it really paid off.


The Farts went into the game with a confidence that was kmore than simply knowing that Victoria were 2 players short.  The team has been growing in cohesion and confidence, and it showed. The game started in a fast and open manner, and it wasn’t long efore Cambo broke through at the top of the circle, and passed wide of the flailing goalie to Trapper who was positioned perfectly to guide the ball into the top of the net.


Within minutes he had added a second from a similar position.  It seemed this was gioing to be his game.  Shortly after a perfectly played ball from Robbie was deflected by Trapper perfectly into Cambo's path for him to beat two defenders and the gaolie to score.


More pressure was applied, with the Farts really starting to paly the fast expansive game they are good at, Trapper couldn’t quite run down two long balls, but did get one great pass from scotty that p[ressured the goalie into a save.


Shortly after Trapper had a shot at goal slap into the post and Cambo followed up to slot his second goal.


Veitchy added a goal, latching onto a shot from Scotty that was initially saved.  Vic scored one goal (scored by a Naenae player that was playing for them as they were short). So the boys went to the sheds 5-1 up.


The second half was more of the same, and Trapper had 2 cracking runs, one taking the ball all the way to the backline then pulling it back for Veitchy to score, however he missed it and Cambo was following up to put it away for his third.  Then later collecting a pass from deep in defence found Trapper around half way, he took on and beat two defenders but his shot at goal was blocked by the goalie, however he collected the rebound, and layed it off to cam on the spot to nail the goal.


Cambo added another to round off his 5 goals, and then there was a lovely touch by Wily, getting the ball with a bit of space just outside the LH upright, he deftly lifted the ball over the goalie into the roof of the net to score the Farts 9th.


While as often is the case the glory goes to the goal scorers, the halves and inside forwards did a sterling service in pressuring Vic into giving up possession, then often laying off fast accurate passes to release the forwards.  Nuts (first full game for a while!) and Toddy were solid in their tackling and passing, and Scotty and Veitchy were both tireless workers. In fact the whole team played well, with no players lacking in effort or application tonight



5 -  Cambo

2 – Trapper

1 -  Veitchy

1 – Wily



3 – Cambo – Has to get full points, 5 goals, lots of passing and tireless work in attack and defence, especially after backing up from a game on Saturday night for the P3’s

2 – Trapper – 2 goals, assists for 3 others and a solid performance, (this reporter thinks he nearly deserves the full 3 points)

1 – Scotty – he had a good game, was unselfish in his passing and plenty of back tackling

1 – Glenn – yes he umpired again, boring……………

1 – Craig – great oranges, very juicy and cold, thanks

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

A night of drama and suspense!

A Sunday night, Intrigue, suspense, emotion, action, was it the latest edition of TV1’s “Sunday Theatre”, no it was the Farts v Victoria 4 at NHS2.
A Farts team devastated by injury and absence (will it was down from the usual 17 players to only 13 (plus Glen) warmed up in what were unusual conditions given the recent weather, a hard dry turf, no wind or rain, and mild temperatures. Those that may have passed a casual glance at the opposition may have wondered where their team was, as it seemed to be only half a team warming up at the other end.
When glen blew his whictle for the toss up, it was obvious they only had 9 players. After a brief discussion in the pre game huddle the Farts offered to umpire the other end as well ‘until their extra players arrived”, a sporting gesture to be sure.
Robbie volunteered to umpire some of the first half.
After the hit off,  the game started at a ferocious pace, with rapid far reaching attacks by the farts, and just as quick response  by Vic to shut them down.  Even though they were down to 9 players, it certainly appeared like half of their team were of a higher skill and fitness level, and questions were raised with the umpires.
Vic opened the coring, an embarrassing situation for the Farts, with a full team against 9 by down 1 -0.  The Farts attack seemed to be stunned by the amount of space they had in the middle of Vics half, and threw themselves forwards like Ors attacking in “the return of the king”, onl;y to be repulsed.  Finally Legs latched onto a pass from Veitchy and sent the Farts supporters into levels of relief when we equalised.  However it was short lived when Vic scored again, into the sheds we trudged, 2-1 down.
There was much discussion at half time between glen and Vic about the suitability of their players, as a number had played for their P3 team immediately before our hit off. Glen felt that they were “playing down”, advised the captain accordingly and recorded ton the card that Vic defaulted (as they wouldn’t have had enough players), an action that was to be questioned post game by the judiciary!
Willie had spelled Robbie during the second half, so trapper volunteered to start the second half with the whistle.  The farts seemed to get a second wind, “and a few more PC’s as well” Vietchy scored 3 in what seemed like quick succession, some good field goals, one easy touch on the goal line (should really have been Legs as it was going in but Veitchy claims he finished it off!) and a good flick from a PC. Needle joined in with a cracking shot from near the edge of the circle to score as well.
Vic came back to score 2 more goals, one a high shot at the LH upright that Timbo only managed to just get his stick to and deflect into the top of the net).
The Farts final goal was an awe inspiring effort from Willie who was relishing the space (by this time Vic’s head were down and the players who were playing their second game were at walking pace).  An attack went into the circle, after a skirmish in front of goal the ball came out to willies left side (he was near his post as all wingers should be) , with out a second thought he did a reverse stick shot that even cam would have been proud of, smacking the ball into the roof of the net on the left hand top corner. That was the final nail, trapper tried to get back on to get in on the goals but without him even touching the ball the whistle went 1 minute after he went back on!.
The End result on the night was a 6-4 win to the Farts.
There was some post match judicial inquiry, with Vic claiming that all the players that played Sunday night were actually registered with the R2 team, and had been “playing up” for the P3’s.
Although this correspondent has his suspicions (and voiced them as well) especially as Vic had done this to the Farts in a previous year (the team we played in the semi final had a number of players that we hadn’t played during the normal season but were “officially” registered for our grade) it was suggested and accepted by the administration that the result would stand as we won anyway.
As a famous British general was heard to say after a victorious battle “it was a close run thing”

3 - Vietchy
1 – legs
1 – Wily
1 - Needle

3 – Vietchy – have to after he scored two goals and poached one of legs
2 – Wicky – all round efforts and good solid defence and attack , also umpired last 5 minutes
1 – Timbo , slide tackle took out a Vic player and tried to drop kick into another , managed tocollect his chest
1 – Glen – umpiring
.5 – Trapper – umpired almost half a game
.5 Robbie – umpired part of 1st half and volunteered to do so
.25 wily – umpired part of 1st half

No oranges but vraig has volunteered to do them next sunday

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