Friday, February 11, 2011

Breaking News - Cam Defects !

Yes sports fans, in breaking news this morning Cam "i won't pass you the ball" Ellis has announced that hes seeking a transfer from the Farts to the Kindies team (younger than young guns).

The Farts management are stunned, what will they do this year, how will they cope with the new challenges of balls being passed around the forwards, of potentially always having a full team on the field, of their average age now reflecting their average age?

Cam was interviewed about this in the ticket booth last night and had this to say;

2011, what will you bring, a new level of gas for the farts?? I have spent a little time thinking about this year and what it has in store for me as a member of the Naenae Hockey Club.

I had to reflect on 2010 and what a year it was for me. I can easily say that I loved the year, it was made brilliant by the camaraderie, ripe oranges, constant support (I always managed to score a couple of hot chips from Craigs girls!!).

The blog was brilliant and is still in my online favourites bar at work. I anticipate the quality of journalism that is to continue on this year.

2010 for me was a year that I had one personal goal in hockey, as a recovering umpire taunt-aholic I knew that I had to learn to spend less time off of the field as decided by umpires. As a new Dad I wanted to learn to be something new, responsible.

I had a good season card wise. Only being binned once throughout the season for what I definitely still deem to be a legitimate shoulder first tackle. Although there were no arms, the player wasn't lifted above horizontal.

That aside I had a huge blemish in the final for discussing a point with Vaudin…. Yellow number two.

2011 has a new set of goals…… best way to word it?? I had a look over last years blogg and picked out an amazing piece of writing which helped me decide my goal…..

Most Memorable sporting moment

We’ve asked a couple of the players to join us in the Caretakers room this morning for a quick chat about the most memorable moment in their hockey career so far

Firstly Cambo“well it actually was last week in the semi final. I got the ball somewhere near our 16, dribbled all the way to the oppositions goal line drawing the goalie, and then passed the ball to trapper, he missed the open goal, but, I “passed” the ball, i mean, i actually passed the ball. It’s something I’ve wanted to do all my life, the Everest of my hockey career, I’ve been visualising that moment since i got my first pair of long trousers” !"- Trapper, August 31, 2010.

Ok, Passing, 2011. Here we come. I spoke to my psychiatrist who has already prescribed me with a strong dose of Clonazopam to take before and at half time during games. This should help the nervous twitches that cause me to want to shoot.

The second is conversion rates…..

"Cam was his usual self, all over the place, in attack and defence, except his conversion rate was poor, 2 goals from 19 shots!"- Trapper, August 29, 2010.

For me to achieve the lofty heights of passing and conversion rates I feel I need to move out from the apron strings of the Farts. You have nurtured me and shown me the way of the woo. I had such quality ball all season, given ample opportunities to grow and I feel that I need to move onwards to a new grade.

I think you new it already from the media reports last year:

Much like any media rumours, they turn out to be true. Look at Shurley (Warnie and Liz Hurley…)it might be the urine coloured hair or his tricky fingers but the ladies keep coming……. (no pun intended). Here was the report….

Late Breaking news

Cambo has been cited by the FCA (Farts Complaint Authority) , last night after the game he was see drinking with the Young Guns, and and its alleged that he was trading team secrets for drinks. Farts management has evidence he had shared secrets such as “Trapper can’t Trap”, “Nuts can’t run” and promising that in the final next week “he wouldn’t pass”. The FCA will have to decide the severity of these allegations and any suitable recourse.

This year I want to play for Naenae's top mens grade. Although they are the 'top' grade it doesn't mean that they are the best…. Not yet anyway. I want to contribute to a club that has a good group going and do what I can to get them back up the grades. I felt out of place a bit last year, most of the team had been through hip replacements, triple by-passes, strokes (explains rearends speech) and alcoholism (or in NZ terms, "social drinking/oranges").

I thank you guys for an awesome year, and I will definitely be around to support the team this year. In fact, when I trial for the top team and they say they don't want me I will probably be back with my tail between my legs begging for a chance to be orange boy!!

Always a man of few words, even if the umpires know most of them, cam will be missed!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

First Farts Blog of the year

Well, this email sees the dawning of another season of hockey, and what a good one it will be. The Farts are hoping to continue their strong performance from last year. This year will see some changes, some forced upon us and some welcome ones as well.
Veitchy has left us to move to the shaketown (Chch). He promises to talk to his new team down there and try and organise a bi-annual home and away friendly matches,
Ants may not be joining us as he needs surgery on his knee (well at least that’s what he said, maybe it was a lobotomy?)
Richy Rich will be trying to get back up into a higher team; he always was a glory hound
Enough bad news, the good news is the return of Ropes to the Farts colours, as a player/coach/mentor/strategist and general wisdom almanac of Naenae Hockey.  His strategy was the edge that enabled the young guns to beat us in the final last year, so maybe with our great teamwork, skills and fitness, coupled with his hockey brain we can finish what we started last year. It must be noted that while the Young Guns won the grade, The Farts took out the inaugural Tui trophy after their great northern road trip. That almost qualifies as an international trophy (Napier is a long way when you’re in the back of Richards van)

Hopefully this year will see the return of Moses and Rearend into the regular line up. Also have to mention Gok is returning for another year, his 30th of Naenae hockey! We probably carried a couple too many reserves last year, so this year we should have a good number with the defections above.
Ains is going to step up and will be the sideline manager for the team, this will include co-ordinating the subs bench, looking after the first aid kit and generally telling Trapper hes playing well.
Can all those that are playing this year please confirm via email so i can advise the club of the team make up.
I’ve been working on some sponsorship, and am in the process of putting together a package that will provide a small reward for the player of the day (unless its me of course) and maybe something a bit more substantial for the end of year MVP.  Any other offers or suggestions of sponsorship would be appreciated.
Other club news
Club open day is set for Saturday 19th February from 4pm until 6pm. This is purely a social day where there will be organised 6 a-side friendly, mixed (genders and grade levels) games being played on the turf.  There will also be registration for the 2011 season (for both open grade and juniors). We will have a free BBQ running to keep you fuelled up for the games. Nuts this is a good opportunity for you to bulk up for the season!
At registration, we are again requiring the deposit. For open grade players this is set at $100, for junior players this is set at $85 (the full fee for the season). This can be paid in cash (we will have receipts available) and we are hopeful to have wireless to enable payment via internet banking.  I will confirm this option closer to the date.
The full fee payments this year are set at: Open grade: $385. The club is again offering the early bird discount for open grade players. If fees are paid in full by 31st March, you fee is reduced to $360.
AP forms will be available at registration for those of you who wish to pay via the AP system this year.
St Pats College in Silverstream are looking for coaches for some school hockey teams.  If you are interested in taking up this opportunity, please let me know.  Remember that having club members involved in coaching secondary schools can really help in recruiting school leavers into the club for future seasons.