Drew 5-5, V YWCA 3, 27th May

Good job from the old farts today - great to not lose a match! 
Came away with 5 - 5 draw having come from 2-0 down at one point. Some excellent last minute on post touches from Matt to seal off some sweet crosses from Ant, especially the last one which left about 4 different players on the ground!


Goals
2 - Matt
1 - Chicken Leg
1 - Rearend
1 - Willy

V Harbour City 6 - Lost 3-0

The Farts returned to their old traditional structure, with a full attack lineup the aim was to try and score early. The game was very even, and pressure was applied at both ends through the first half. Rearend made a fleeting appearance in goal, to be replaced by Timbo after 15 mins, freeing Rearend up to be a field replacement (we only had 12 including him).

Trapper had a shot saved by the goalie late in the second half, the only on target" shot although a number of others peppered the outside of the goal. A valiant effort by Trapper, who had not long before taken a ball in the mouth when back on defence, breaking a front tooth nearly in half.

Craig saved a certain goal off the line, with some stick work that Raffa would have been proud of.

MVP

3 - Craig - solid game, good advice at half time, and spectacular save off the line

2- Trapper - put his body on the line, broken front tooth, tweaked calf, but still managed to force a save for the keeper

1 - BJ - solid defence

May 13th V Victoria 5 - Lost 3-0

The Farts tried a new defensive struct, with a sweeper (Nuts) to take control of the defense.

This seemed to work well, with a huge improvement in structure and play from the previous week. Unfortunately this also weakened our attack and several times we rued the lack of a CF .

Nuts took control in the back, comment of the season so far was "I'm the bus driver and i'm driving this bus!"

Matt B was outstanding in  both attack and defence, with plenty of effort. Isaac continued his zippy running around the field.

The final score was dissappointing, but the team is starting to gel and can only improve form here.

MVP

3 - Matt B- never stopped in attack and backing up when he lost the ball

2 - Isaac - only knows one speed

1- Nuts - Bus never crashed or missed any stops!
1 - Rearend - Umpired again!

Saturday dawned bright and clear, obviously the start of a new duck shooting season.....

And as the season begins, talk in bird shooting circles turns to Dogs, the different breeds, their strengths and weaknesses.

There are three basic types of dogs, characterised by three distinct breeds. 

Spaniels are flushing dogs; they run around with boundless energy, like a bunch of school kids around a soccer ball. Typically smaller and long haired, full of enthusiasm and the joy of life, however they don’t like harsh treatment, respond better to encouragement than a telling off and often will run themselves into the ground for no result.

German Short Haired Pointers (GSP) are what are called Hunter, Pointer, Retriever dogs (HPR). They are a general purpose dog, with good abilities across a range of areas. They are generally sleek and muscular, and like the Spaniels have lots of energy but balance it with intelligence. They can be arrogant and selfish, Whine when bored and like to be the centre of attention, displaying almost a “proud” demeanour.

Lastly there are Labradors. They are bigger, more solid and stronger, not so fast, but persistent and have the internal fortitude to just keep on going. They take disciple well, and harsh words are like the proverbial “water off a ducks back”, although like GSP’s can be whiners as well.  If they have a fault, (or two) tits that they are inclined to wolf down food, their own, another dogs, yours, your wifes.... and would often especially when older, prefer to just curl up in front of the fire , roll over and have their bellies scratched or generally just have a nap.

Sunday the Farts ventured onto the new turf at Maidstone, and like the courting rituals of their youth (back when “everything” was in black and white) quite tentatively and cautious.  Their opponents set the scene, when 30 mins before the game, they, as a team, all went for a warm up jog! 

It certainly seemed like a game of Spaniels V Labradors, with UH2 being a college age team (like spaniels, smaller, long hair, lots of enthusiasm) against the more conservative and solid Farts team (well some of the players are certainly built like labs!).

It seemed to start with a good omen when Trapper won the toss, second week in a row, and a new record winning streak for him (Surpassing the 1 week streak of the week before). But to be fair, it was all UH from the start, they attacked with enthusiasm, skills and teamwork. The Farts players all tried desperately to hold them back, but all felt at times like the little boy with his finger in the dyke, holding back the flood in small amounts while at other times it surged around him.

All of the players had small cameos during the game, but the Farts just couldn’t seem to get it together enough.

Ants scored their only goal in the first half, Trapper was perfectly placed on the top of the D,  and great ball came to him from LH but Ants poached it,  dragged it a little further into the circle and fired it at the goal.  

The Goalie managed to get his right chest in front of the ball but was nearly blown off his feet into the goal by the force of the ball (like watching a Dirty Harry movie).  Trapper suggested he could claim an assist, and asked if you got anything for an assist. Nuts replied No!

UH were awarded a dodgy Stroke, after Timbo came out and blocked a shot, only for the UH player to keep going, over run the ball and tackle Timbo.  Farts should have had the free hit but instead the umpire saw it differently.   With all their pressure they only went to the sheds 2-1 up over the Farts.

But it was obvious in the second half that they still had plenty of energy, and their coach had encouraged them in loving and gentle tones at the half time break.  They piled on the goals, not quite making double figures, but getting very close.

Special mention in the second half has to be given to Trapper, this mild unassuming gentle leader covered wing, Inner, half and Full back at different times, cleared two balls out of potentially dangerous positions, monstered a couple of players, and even run down a pc receiver before he could get the ball goal wards. He’s always been a Tana Umaga fan, and was overheard telling one of the UH team “its not college hockey - boy”.

Rumour has it that the management team are considering some structural changes to the Farts team, stay tuned for more on this.

Next weeks game will decide whether the Farts get promoted to R3, or stay in R2. Its against Victoria 5, NHS2 at 4.20 on Sunday.

Goal

1 – Ants (although it should have been Trappers!)

MVP

3 -  Zac-  recently recovering form a frontal lobotomy operation to remove his appendix, he was supposed to be recuperating, but came to watch the game, half way through the first changed into his gear and had a few runs. That showed great stupidity as well as team dedication, and obviously for that he deserved the coveted Player of the day Bar tab and 3 MVPs.

2 –Trapper – because I thought I played well and deserved some points!

1 – Andy Booker – good to see the young guys stepping up, even if they do need to put on a few pounds, played well, and has a long future in the Farts.

1         - Ants – brought the Oranges, but should really lose this point for poaching Trapper goal (not that he’s caustic about it!)

1-      Rearend – umpired what more can we say.

Never before, have so many owed so much, to so few........

“Forlorn Hope” - Meaning - A hopeless or desperate enterprise.

 Description:- Each troop in the British Army had a hand-picked group of soldiers, chosen for their ferocity and indifference to risk (and occasionally by using that tried and tested army method of "I want three volunteers. That's you, you and you."). They were the army's 'attack dogs' who risked all in reckless death or glory raids on the enemy, they were the Forlorn Hope.

 And so it felt for the 10 hardy souls that were there to defend the Old Farts honour on a bright but windswept Sunday. Amazingly the hordes of reserves that had been apparent the weeks previously had, like an Aussie looking for his wallet, failed to materialise.

Just 4 days after the commemorations of Anzac day, the small band of fearless (one could also say witless) warriors gaxed upon the younger, stronger opposition like the Anzacs before them had gazed upon the ridges and hillsides above Anzac cove on that fateful morning, 25th April 1915.

 A faint glimmer of hope had sparked when in the distance, the sun glinted off his head, the familiar figure of Adrian was seen next to the dugouts. This was short lived when it was realised that he had in fact defected and was shortly after seen in the appropriate yellow strip of Northern United.

It was a game of 2 halves, both of which we lost, although like the Forlorn Hope’s throughout history, we gave them a run for their money, literally. Even trapper was seen running, puffing and sweating, covering throughout the game both wings, stints at inners and even Left Half, however his biggest contribution (some say for the past 7 years)  was probably winning the toss and choosing the sun on their backs in the first half.

It didn’t seem like it, but they also only had 10 men, however they seemed to have a younger average age, and overall a higher skill level (or at least quicker reactions). The 10 players we had were mainly Old Farts plus the Harrison Brothers, so there was more wheezing, coughing and puffing than the Kingston Flier at full steam.

They had most of the possession, and territory, but probably onlky 60/40. We certainly put up a good fight and applied our own pressure at times. By the second half the match had started to even out, as usual the young plyers had done their run early, and the stayers started to get their second wind (for some it felt like their first breathes!). Ants scored and the match see-sawed back and foirth for a while.

Adrian got a “welcome back” when he picked up the outside the Farts circle, then without thinking turned his back on Nuts. Nuts thought hed won lotto, and pounced, and the two of them danced around for quite a while, Adsrian protecting the ball (with his back to Nuts) and Nuts (well it is a family Blog after all) “sticking close” to pressure him. Adrian did complain about Huts jamming his stick in his back, Nuts just smiled.

This was the first game of the season for the legendary Oranges to be in attendance, (Ants you’re a legend) and the boys all sat around afterwards having a quiet one.


Goal 1 - Ants, pretty soft one but yes he did score.

MVP 
3 – Toddy – great defence, hard working, and really marshalled the defence, his voice was often heard barking out where to stand etc, (wonder where he got that form Rearend)
2- Al – another solid game, dependable in the halves
 1 – Damon – did enough running to deserve a point (plus he never answered me back, that was a first from this team!)
1 – Ants – Brought the Oranges – you’re a bloody legend
1 - Rearend – unselfishly umpired whole game - mind you , that meant he didn’t have to run around!

 That’s the end of the round robin promotion/relegation round, next week is a play off, not sure who against yet, watch the airwaves for the game time.